Connie stopped by to check on me on her way up to bed.

“You doing okay, Jules? No—I’m sorry—that’s a dumb question. Of course you’re not okay. I’M not okay. Um, what I meant was, do you need anything before I go upstairs?”

I shrugged. “Nah, I’m okay.”

The look in her eyes told me she didn’t quite believe me, but she didn’t pry. “Alright. Well, goodnight, Jules. Just holler if you need anything.”

She closed the door softly, and I could hear her slipper-shod feet padding away down the carpeted hallway.

“Wait. Connie?”

She immediately reappeared in the doorway.

“Yeah?”

“Will you stay with me? Maybe you could just talk to me for a while, you know, until I fall asleep or something? I think I’m too wound up to fall asleep, and I don’t want to be alone with the voices in my head right now. They’ve got some pretty scary things to say, and I…”

She didn’t even let me finish. “Oh Jules, of course I will!”

She curled up in the chair next to my bed and began to chatter softly. Then, before I knew what was happening, I found myself telling her my story. About how my mother, a washed-up actress herself, was so consumed with making me a star that she’d almost starved me to death. About how she’d dragged me from audition to audition, hoping I’d somehow make it big. But I didn’t.

She was constantly kissing up to casting directors and producers, literally and figuratively. I cringed inside, remembering the many nights I’d spent hiding out in the basement when she’d bring them home with her, in varying degrees of sobriety. I hated the way they looked at me, the way they talked about me, the way they touched me—like I was a piece of merchandise.

I was safe at Dad’s for the most part, though. If only for the sole reason that he couldn’t care less about me. I wasn’t part of his business plan, and therefore, he wasn’t interested. He didn’t care what I did, as long as it kept me out of his hair. And he returned the favor by steering way clear of me when he’d stagger home every Friday night after drinking too much at the company cocktail hour.

“I spent my time running back and forth between the two of them,” I explained. “I’d stay with one till I couldn’t stand it anymore, and then I’d take off for the other. It was kind of exhausting. You know, this might actually be a record for the longest I’ve ever stayed in one place.”

I paused to collect my thoughts. I couldn’t believe how candid I was being. I had never opened up to anyone like this before. Not even Buck.

Connie shifted her weight in the chair and gazed at me with concern in her eyes. “Wow, Jules, I had no idea. I’m sorry you had to go through all that. But I’m so glad you’re here now.”

I laughed lightly. “Yeah, me too, I guess. You know, I never planned on staying here. After the whole Perilous Pen fiasco, I swore I’d never set foot in this town again. But when I got back to LA, all my friends—er—well, they weren’t really my friends—more like political allies, actually. Anyway, they all totally ghosted me. There wasn’t anything left for me there anymore. No one cared if I stayed or if I left. So I left. I figured I’d hang out here until I was sick of it and then move on again, just like I always had. But—I don’t know—there’s something about this place. I think—just maybe—I might finally want to stay this time.”

“I know what you mean. I felt just the same when I first came here.”

It dawned on me that she hadn’t always lived here.

“Oh yeah? When did you first come to Odyssey?”

Then she told me all about moving here with her mom in the aftermath of her parents’ divorce. About how lost she’d felt in the strange new place that was so different from anything she’d ever known. How angry she’d been at Dad for hurting her mom the way he had, and how helpless she’d felt to do anything about any of it. But then one afternoon she wandered into Whit’s End, and nothing was ever the same after that.

“I had no idea then how my life would change, all because of that place. Because of Whit. But, no, it was God, really.”

“God, huh?”

“Look—Jules—“

What I said next really surprised her. To be honest, it surprised me, too—even though it was exactly what had been going on in my head for weeks now.

“Connie, I think I’m ready to believe.”

“WHAT?!”

She threw her arms around me, and for a moment I couldn’t breathe. Then we were both laughing and crying at the same time.

“I thought you didn’t… I mean, you never…”

I pulled Connie’s Bible off the shelf and held it up to her.

“I’ve been reading this every night. I wanted to…to see for myself what the Jesus thing was all about. I saw Him in you, Connie, and I hoped that I could maybe have that for myself.”

“You can, Jules!” she exclaimed, laugh-crying some more.

I nodded, a feeling of lightness stealing over me. Everything I’d been trying to understand—about life, about God—everything—finally it all made sense to me. He was the one who had brought me here. He was the one who’d allowed me to meet the sister I never knew I had, who had modeled so sincerely what love and forgiveness are all about. Nothing that had happened to me over the past several years had been an accident.

With my sister’s hand in mine, through tears of joy and trembling lips, I muddled my way through what’s known in Christianity as “the sinner’s prayer.” I couldn’t tell you what it was I said, or if it made any sense at all. All I know is that He heard me. And that was all that mattered.

My face hurt from smiling, and I was gasping for breath. I was a big sloppy mess, but I didn’t care.

I fell asleep that night with my heart singing.

There was a memorial service for Valerie at Odyssey Community Church a few days later. I stayed home. I just wasn’t ready yet to face the onslaught of emotions I knew would be waiting for me there.

Connie went, though. It was crazy to think that she had known Valerie for years longer than she’d known I even existed.

I slumped on the couch, staring at my phone. Buck had texted me days ago, and I’d left his message on read. Perfect gentleman that he was, I knew he wasn’t going to push me to talk before I was ready.

All the same, I wondered if the silence between us was killing him like it was killing me. I missed my best friend. I wanted so desperately to talk to him. To tell him what had happened to me—how I was a follower of Jesus now. But I was scared.

Over the past few months, a deep bond had developed between the two of us—something so fragile and special—and I was terrified of doing anything that might break it. I feared my new relationship with Jesus might drive a wedge between us.

A series of loud bangs coming from the kitchen interrupted my thoughts, and I peeped my head in to investigate.

“I’m making vegan cupcakes! Wanna help?” Jillian hollered, half-buried in the cabinet where we kept the muffin pans.

“Nah, you go ahead.”

“Do you want to talk?”

I shrugged. “No, not really.”

I hated to brush her off like that, but I knew I needed space to grieve and process everything on my own. Besides, happy-go-lucky Jillian was the last person I expected to be able to understand any of what I was feeling.

I slowly climbed the stairs to my room and flopped down on the bed.

I tried to read Connie’s Bible, but just found myself staring off into space. So I began to pray. I reveled in the newfound privilege of prayer. It wasn’t like some kind of magic spell that suddenly made everything okay again, but it gave me a sense that there was a purpose in it all somehow, like what had happened was all part of something bigger than myself. And it brought a certain peace that I had never known before.

***

When Connie got back from the memorial service, she made her way quietly up to my room and tapped on the door.

“It’s open,” I called, rolling over to face her.

“How you doing?”

“I’m alright. I prayed for a long time, and that was really…good. How was the memorial service?”

“It was nice—“ She cut herself off. “No. No, it wasn’t. There’s nothing nice about… Well… I guess they made it as nice a tribute as they could. Poor Nelson is devastated. Buck sat with him the whole time, though. That was really sweet of him, don’t you think?”

I nodded, avoiding her eyes.

“He asked about you. He said he hasn’t heard from you in a couple of days. He’s worried about you.”

When I didn’t respond, she began again. “You know…He’s not going to stop being your friend, just because you’re a Christian now. You should give him more credit than that.”

I hadn’t expected her to be so perceptive, and it caught me off guard. My jaw must have dropped open, and I just stared at her, speechless.

“Just a thought, but…” She continued. “Have you thought about praying for Buck? He’s hurting right now, too, you know.”

I nodded, tears smarting at my eyes. I did know. It struck me then how selfish I’d been in all of this. He had been there, rock-solid for me when I needed him. Maybe it was time I returned the favor.

“You’re right,” I sniffed. “I should be praying for him. And maybe I’ll see if he wants to meet up later or something.”

“That sounds like a good idea. I’ll leave you to it.” She touched my shoulder reassuringly, then turned to leave the room.

“Wait, Connie?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

She smiled softly. “That’s what big sisters are for.”

A wave of nervous relief washed over me as I reached for my phone.

                Hey
                Can we talk?

I found Buck waiting for me in our special spot behind the caboose. My heart skipped a beat when his eyes met mine, and I ran to him and threw my arms around his neck. For a moment, we just held each other. I wanted to stay there forever and never let go.

“Buck, I’m so, so sorry,” I whispered, a catch in my voice.

“For what?” He pulled back to look me in the eyes.

“For being a lousy friend. For going dark on you. For—how did Connie say it?—not giving you enough credit.”

“I’m not sure I know what you mean.” He seemed bewildered by my sudden confession.

“Oh, uh… It’s nothing I guess,” I stammered, then changed the subject. “How are you holding up?”

He let out a deep sigh. “To be honest, it’s been tough. I’ve been through a lot of heavy stuff, Jules. You know that.” I nodded. “But this… Well, it’s different than all that somehow. I mean…she’s gone, Jules. It’s just so weird thinking about someone our age being…dead.”

He paused for a moment, then took a deep breath.

“And I’ve been so worried about you. When you were unconscious…I was scared. I don’t know what I would do without you. I even...well…I even tried praying. You mean a lot to me, Jules, and—“

A tear traced his cheek. For the first time, I saw a glimpse of the broken little boy I suspected he really was inside, and my heart broke for him.

“Hey-hey-hey—it’s okay. I’m here now. And I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. Look—“ My fingertips brushed the back of his hand, and his ocean eyes stared deep into mine. “Buck, there’s something I need to talk to you about. I mean, I know you said you’re not interested in all the religion stuff. So did I, I guess. But something happened to me a few nights ago, and I’d really like to tell you about it.”

He reached for my hand and squeezed it gently.

“Go ahead. I’m listening.”

Penny’s POV:
“Isn’t this wonderful?” I gushed to Connie, handing her a section of the lighted garland we were stringing around the banister at Wooton’s and my new home.

Christmas had always been my favorite time of the year, and this year, it felt especially magical. For starters, Wooton and I were celebrating our first Christmas together in our new house, and we’d decided to go all out with the decorating.

“It is pretty impressive,” Connie agreed. “I mean, you guys have had practically the whole town over here decorating.”

“We wouldn’t have it any other way! We wanted everybody to be a part of the celebration. It’s going to be the best Christmas party ever!” My voice squeaked with excitement. Wooton and I were going to be hosting a combination belated housewarming and Christmas Eve celebration in just over a week. It seemed like we’d been preparing for ages, and it was finally almost here.

“Everybody at Whit’s End has been telling me how excited they are to see the finished product.” She paused, raising her eyebrows quizzically. “What I want to know is what on earth is going on with all those giant boxes out front. Why are they all covered up with tarps?”

“I told you before, Connie—it’s a surprise!”

Just then, Wooton strode casually in through the side door from the garage.

“Yeah, to go along with our other surprise.” He raised an eyebrow mysteriously and winked at me. My heart skipped a beat. Even after almost a years of marriage, his boyish charm could still give me butterflies.

“What other surprise? Come on, you guys—cut it out with the secrecy! Eugene knows what’s going on with the boxes. How come I—“

I cut her off. “That’s because he’s been working on them, Connie. It only makes sense.”

“Okay, fine. But what about this other thing? I’m always the last one to know anything about what’s going on around here.”

“Well, you won’t be this time,” Wooton said, significantly.

I giggled at Connie’s confused expression.

“What? Why? What are you saying?”

“We wanted to give you the news before anyone else because, well, we have a favor to ask you.” I felt a sudden twinge of nervousness.

“A favor? Come on, Penny. You know I’d to anything for you.”

“Go head, Wooton.” I smiled and nodded at my better half to take the floor.

He took a deep breath, then began, “Connie, we’d like to ask you to become our baby’s godmother.”

“WHAT?!” Connie’s jaw dropped, and she just stood there for a second. “Uh…I mean…Congratulations, you two!” She flung her arms around the both of us, but I sensed a degree of hesitation in her action.

“Penny wanted to tell you earlier,” Wooton interjected, “but I kind of wanted to be there, too, when she told you—so we could ask you.”

“Ask me what?” she queried absently.

“Remember?” I asked, surprised at the impatient tone in my voice. “We’re asking you to be the baby’s godmother. Will you?”

“Oh, uh, yes, of course I will!” She seemed to be looking at something far away as she spoke.

“Wonderful!” I exclaimed, unintentionally matching her half-hearted tone. “I can’t wait for Baby Bassett to meet Auntie Connie.” I tried again to sound as excited, but with limited success.

“Yeah, it’ll be great.” She was staring off into space again. “But, uh, speaking of kids, have either of you seen Jules? It’s probably about time I get her home. She has exams tomorrow.”

“I saw her talking on the phone on the front porch a while ago,” Wooton offered. “Maybe she stayed outside to help Buck and Eugene with the, uh, super-secret boxes.”

Connie shot him a look. Then, as if on cue, Jules walked through the front door, a troubled look on her face.

“Uh, Connie?”

“Hey! I was just looking for you. We should be heading home.”

“Okay, but, um. . .” She twisted a lock of hair nervously around her finger. “I was just talking to my mom…”

“Oh, good!” Connie interrupted. “Did you enjoy catching up with her?”

“Sure, but, uh…she said she’s going to be coming here for Christmas.”

“Oh!” Connie’s face turned white and twisted into an expression I’d never seen on her before. “Uh, well, that’ll be nice. Since Jillian’s out of town for the holidays, we’ll have plenty of room for her to stay with us. When is she coming?”

“Well…um…her flight gets in tomorrow.”

“TOMORROW?!”

Jules nodded, biting her lip.

“Oh boy…Uh, we’ve got to go. Like, now.” She gave me a hurried side hug as she dashed out the door with Jules in tow. “Congratulations again!” she hollered over her shoulder.

The door slammed, and I looked at Wooton in bewilderment.

“What’s wrong, babe?” he asked, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Maybe nothing.” I leaned my head back on his chest to look up into his eyes. “But…did it seem like Connie wasn’t very excited about our news?”

“I don’t know about that,” he said diplomatically. “She probably just wasn’t expecting it and didn’t know how to respond. And it probably threw her off when Jules came in and said her mom was coming to town. I mean, Connie’s almost been like Jules’s mom for the past few months, and it might be kind of, well…hard for her to see Jules with her real mom. Not to mention the feelings it might dig up about her own mom.”

I signed deeply, leaning into his gentle embrace and closing my eyes. “I guess you’re right. I just wish…I don’t know…”

He ran his fingers gently through my disheveled mess of blonde curls. “I know.”

Connie’s POV:
My mind raced as I sped down back roads on the way to Connellsville Airport. Jules was still at school, but I had insisted on picking her mom up at the airport so she wouldn’t have to take a cab. I was now starting to regret that decision. I mean, I didn’t even know this person. I was fully prepared not to like her. She was just another one of the women my dad had thought he’d been in love with. And she was not my mother.

I wondered how my mom would have handled this situation. With her usual graciousness and kindness, no doubt. I would try my best to do the same, I decided.

But there was so much more on my mind besides the arrival of my half-sister’s absentee mother. I was kicking myself over my hasty retreat from Penny and Wooton’s house the evening before. I knew Penny would be hurt.

Sure, I was thrilled my best friend and her husband were expecting a baby. Wasn’t I? I just couldn’t make myself feel the elation I knew I was supposed to feel about their big announcement. This was going to be just one more big change I’d have to learn to deal with.

It seemed like anyone who ever meant anything to me got to change and move on in life. Eventually they all left or got married or had babies, while I faded into irrelevance. Always left behind, unchanging and alone.

Connie, get it together, I reprimanded myself. I’d been through all of this before—so many times it started to feel like a broken record, playing the same thing over and over and over again.

But then there was Jeff. That was something different. We’d been spending a lot of time together lately. Sometimes as part of a group, sometimes alone together. Although I’d sworn off dating, lately I’d begun to feel some things I hadn’t felt in a long time. I wondered if he felt the same. But, no, I didn’t want to know.

My feelings scared me. I tried to push them out of my mind, but they kept popping back up somehow. I didn’t want to get hurt. And I also wanted to make sure this was real—that I wasn’t just making something up to fill a void or meet expectations.

But there was no time to think about that now.

This is it, I said to myself as I pulled into the arrivals lane, heart pounding. She was waiting by the curb with a pile of suitcases that made it look like she’d brought her entire house with her. I honestly wasn’t sure what I’d expected her to look like. Why had I never asked Jules to see a photo of her?

I had to restrain a gasp as her image came into focus. She was drop-dead gorgeous. Dark hair fell in loose waves past her shoulders, and a Hollywood smile flashed across her face. Sharply clad in a well-cut blazer and dark-wash skinny jeans, she looked like she’d just walked out of the boardroom of a hot new tech startup, not an airport.

It startled me to realize that she couldn’t have been more than 10 years older than I was, though she looked like she could’ve been younger than me. I wondered if she’d had any plastic surgery.

“Over here!” I rolled down the passenger window and waved as I put the car in park.

“Connie!” She clacked over to me in her high heels and smothered me in a hug. “Oh, hi! I’ve just been DYING to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Same here!” I almost squeaked out the words, trying to match her enthusiasm. “Um, is it alright if I put a couple of these bags in the back seat?” I asked, frowning at the rapidly-filling trunk of my tiny hatchback.

“Oh, sure! Wherever it’ll fit works for me! Sorry, I usually take Uber Black—you know—with those huge SUV’s so there’s usually PLENTY of room.”

“We’ll make it work.” I forced a laugh, cramming in the last of her bags and slamming the trunk before it could all come crashing down on me like an avalanche. “Ready to head out? You go by Jan, right? Is it alright if I call you that?”

“Well, actually, I’m going by Gigi now.” She slid into the passenger seat, and I started the engine. “It’s short for my middle name, actually—January Garnet Faulkner’s my full name, you know. See, garnet is the birthstone for January—weird, right? But what can you do? Anyway, my agent thought I should start using a different first name. I mean, January is such a mouthful, and Jan is just—well, it sounds like somebody’s grandma. Don’t you think?”

“Yeah, sure. I mean, I guess so…” This was going to be a long car ride.

***

I felt my throat tighten as we neared Whit’s End, where we’d planned to meet up with Jules. As nervous as I’d been to meet Jules’s mom, I think I was even more anxious to see how mother and daughter would react to seeing each other for the first time in months. And in the back of my mind, there was a nagging feeling that Gigi wouldn’t be going back to California alone.

Buck’s POV:

I stifled a yawn and slouched further down in my seat, canceling out every sound except the ever-so-slow tick, tick, tick of the clock at the front of the room. Mrs. Sanderson was explaining something about isolating the x in a radical equation, but I wasn’t really paying attention. Algebra was my last class of the day, and also my least favorite.

My eyes drifted over to the empty desk a few rows ahead of me, next to Brad Ralph. Valerie’s old desk.

We’d never really been friends. I mean, to be honest, she’d never really been friends with anyone, unless there was something in it for her. But even so, her loss was something we all felt acutely.

My heart went out to Brad. For some reason I would never be able to comprehend, he’d been absolutely crazy about her. And he just hadn’t been the same since, well…the accident. None of us had, really.

I worried about Jules, almost constantly. I was used to being in control of my situation. But I had been powerless over what had happened to her that day. I couldn’t stand to think about what it would have been like to lose her…

I shifted restlessly in my seat, fingering the worn scrap of paper in my pocket. Another note from my mother. I’d discovered it only a few days ago, tucked under one of the ribs inside the hope chest she’d left me. I hadn’t shown it to anyone yet, but I’d read it so many times I had its contents memorized. She had probably written it only a couple of days before she died.

“It won’t be long now,” she wrote. “The doctors won’t say it to my face, but I know it’s true. It’s okay, though. I’m ready now. After so many years of running away from Him, I’ve rediscovered the peace and forgiveness that can only be found in Jesus Christ. I can only hope that someday you’ll find it, too, my Bucky Bear.”

Her words brought to mind something Felicia had said to me: “Something changed in her those last couple of days. She drifted in and out of consciousness, but she seemed so calm and peaceful. During one of her waking moments, she turned to me and said, ‘He’s forgiven me, Felicia. He’s forgiven me!’ She’d had a falling-out with her father many years before; I can only assume she was talking about him.”

Felicia was partially correct about that. Except it wasn’t her father my mother had been talking about. It was her Father. God. She explained as much in the letter.

It gave me a lot to think about.

The bell rang, startling me back to reality, as a swell of teenagers flooded out into the hallway.

“Jules!”

Spotting her in the crowd, I jogged over to her and wrapped her up on a too-tight hug, then pulled back, embarrassed. Since the accident, I had almost hated to let her out of my sight. It didn’t make sense, but I had this idea that if the people I cared about were always with me, they’d be okay, because I was somehow always okay.

“Hey, Buck.” She absently twisted a strand of hair around her finger.

“You nervous about seeing your mom again?” I guessed.

She nodded. “I’m supposed to meet up with her and Connie at Whit’s End.”

“I’m heading that way, too. Could you use some company?”

I offered my hand, and she took it.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”