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 Post subject: Re: Blitzer writing
PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 6:01 pm 
Peach Cobbler
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Nice! I love the quick development of the plot. I expect more, you know. ;) Just a few grammar issues:
Wait why there was no one around him. Or wait was that two people fighting… in the air.


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 Post subject: Re: Blitzer writing
PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 8:41 pm 
Peanut Butter Cup
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I like this piece, very exciting, courtesy of the descriptions you used. I'm intrigued by the use of elements and powers, their culture also sounds interesting. Nice work capturing attention. :) (Also, you used the name Jason! :D )

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 Post subject: Re: Blitzer writing
PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2016 11:25 am 
Moose Tracks
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Hmm... I'm only to eight thousand words currently. And thank you!

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Everyone (Blitz doesn't count) fears ninjas, except for one: I, Ninjahunter

Can you change me from the monster you made me? Monster: Starset


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 Post subject: Re: Blitzer writing
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2016 2:52 pm 
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Second part of my earlier story.

Toran shot awake, his mind racing. His brain felt better than ever.
“Captain, I took the liberty of manipulating your brain to work better. You are in desperate need of nutrients. Would you like a meal? I can create any kind of food.”
“Yes, please, get me the most tasty and healthy meal possible.”
Toran now realized how ridiculous he felt. He was having a conversation with a ship and taking suggestions from it. He signed and searched his brain. The ship was amazing, a ship commander’s ultimate dream. He received information that they were in the middle of deep space far from any populated planets. A platter of food arrived in front of him, and he observed it carefully.
“What is it?”
“I created it, so I have no name for it. The food is a mixture of fruits, grains, and vegetables.”
Toran tried it and found it amazing.
“So, are you male or female, Grael?”
“I am neither.”
“What exactly are you capable of?”
The flash of information transferred directly to his brain was amazing even more so that he could comprehend it instantly. His brain was immensely faster. The ship was pure ingenuity truly. It could repair itself and add to itself. Each section of the ship could be changed almost at will with some limitations for essentials. It could build its own weaponry and improve it when it had the time to research and test. All it need was the resources. Food could be made by the ship, but it need organic material. The ship had similar functions with the sensors and stealth. It’s shielding was the most advanced that Toran had seen not that he knew much about shields. The ship immediately transferred information about sensors to his knowledge.
He also realized that the ship could create energy fields or use energy to do whatever it need to inside the ship. It also had a few robots to do anything else. The ship offered him a variety of options on its designs. It could make itself as a large as a battleship with more resources. Instead, Toran decided that the current size was only a bit to small and gave the order to extend itself to double the size. It accordingly extended and gave him options for what he could add to the ship like engines, armor, sensors, and weaponry. Grael also warned him that his options were limited by the amount of raw material available.
“How about fixing accommodations first? I’d like a hot tub and the best bed you can make. Put in any amenities you can.”
“Yes, Captain. What about the ship itself?”
“Give me a listing of all the weapons you can make.”
Vander felt a sharp pain in his head and fell to the floor. Apparently the sip didn’t know his limits yet. He slowly got to his feet and started scrolling through the thousands of weapons.
“Grael, could you shorten the list to six potential weapons for two new torrents and what the two guns prebuilt are?”
“It is done, master.”
Vander had no great knowledge of weapons, so he read the information carefully. Lasers, which the first current weapons was, were the most versatile. The only time they had negative value was against hull armor because they simply cut and that could be fixed easily and in atmospheric combat because of the gravities great effect on it. The other current weapons was an energy cannon. Basically, what it did when it hit, the energy was transferred to whatever it hit and blow it up. Very effective at short range, but at long range it spread out and dissipated. The ship gave him the option of adding a plasma gun, another laser or energy gun, several missiles for various purposes, or modified versions of the laser and energy guns.
He selected the missiles and a plasma gun. The plasma guns, apparently, were the middle ground between lasers and energy guns. The rest of the space he allowed the ship to do with it what it would. His main concern was what to do. He couldn’t spend the rest of his life floating through space. Toran needed a quest. He searched through the ship for the closest major planet. He gave the command for the ship to fly to Ergo hoping it would be decent. He also asked the ship to make him two guns and magazines for it. Grael gave him the basics of pistol shooting and suggested he get some armor which he ordered Grael to build.
In his free time, Toran began to sift through information he had missed about the world as a slave. His main focus was on actually getting an education. He sifted through the massive database Grael had. Toran Vander felt so behind in his education because of his slave past, but know he needed a shave. Grael directed him to the bathroom in his room with a hot tub dominating the room. The toilet itself was built into the back wall. He went to the sink and took out the shaving implements while he examined his face.
His black hair fell down to his shoulder, a style he didn’t care for. He brushed the stray locks of hair that fell in front of his eyes away and examined his beard. Toran decided to leave only a bit of his beard to hide the scar that ran from jawbone to jawbone on his chin. Vander pushed away the thoughts that threatened to roll over him.

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Debate Vampire

Everyone (Blitz doesn't count) fears ninjas, except for one: I, Ninjahunter

Can you change me from the monster you made me? Monster: Starset


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 Post subject: Re: Blitzer writing
PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2017 4:44 pm 
Caramel Crunch
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Oh my word! You're a really good writer! You should post more.

Just one question. What's the deal with most of your characters' names being the same besides the first letter?


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 Post subject: Re: Blitzer writing
PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2017 4:51 pm 
Moose Tracks
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*Shrugs* Those are the ones that come to mind.

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Everyone (Blitz doesn't count) fears ninjas, except for one: I, Ninjahunter

Can you change me from the monster you made me? Monster: Starset


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 Post subject: Re: Blitzer writing
PostPosted: Mon Mar 06, 2017 3:43 pm 
Moose Tracks
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Yes, I am a cruel writer. Hence the first chapter of another story. :)

Soran was walking from his house to the training grounds. Today was his seventh birthday which marked the beginning of his training to join the Vampire Annihilation Corp. Even at his young age, he knew the vampires and werewolves were eliminating humans and not humans eliminating vampires and werewolfs. A chilly gust of wind ripped through his cloak, and Soran grimaced. He mentally started noting the ‘family’ that lived in each house. Usually, it was one or more ladies with her children. The war was dragging all of life out of the world. He passed a breeding house and found himself at the village’s training ground where he would train till he was fifteen. There was one trainer. Clegane Fingerless was his name. It was easy to spot him drilling some of the older boys with his strange spotted grey hair and his fingerless left hand. It was said that he had lost his fingers to a werewolf in his first battle earning the name of fingerless. Soran sucked up his courage and strode onto the field, his undersized body struggling to get through the snow.
Clegane saw him approaching, and so did the other boys who immediately began to whisper among themselves. To Soran’s chagrin, Clegane laughed along with the boys when one made a comment about his frail body.
“Come on, kid. Why did you show up here? You know I’m going to assign you to technical corps. You’d probably go do something great and get remembered more than us poor grunts,” Clegane smirked and kneeled down to look him in the eyes.”
The grey lifeless eyes of Clegane conflicted with the grey eyes of Soran that flicked with blue and gold. Soran refused to back down. “I demand to be tested as an elemental.”
The crowd burst into laughter, Clegane included before he responded. “As if the god of fire, Oradan, would chose you to bear his fire, or that the goddess of ice, Idine, would let you wield ice.”
“There is one God.”
Clegane raised his hand to slap him before thinking better of it. “Fine, you may touch the testing stone. If anything, the gold and blue flecks in your eyes may provide you with the blessing of the gods. Follow me.”
Leading him inside the training building which doubled as Clegane’s house, he headed to the main hall which was also the main training area where the younger boys trained with no guidance at the moment. At the front of the room was the symbol of the elemental gods, earth, wind, fire, ice and lightning, with fire and ice at the center. Bellow them on a cushion was the elemental test rock. It was blue and orange, as the only elements humans could wield were fire and ice.
“Go on and touch it. I’m busy enough, as it is.”
Soran walked to the stone timidly and reached out slowly to touch it. Even as his fingertips touched the ball, he knew it. He was an elemental. When his hand fully rested on the stone ball, the ball came to life swirling with burning orange with a hint of ice in it.
“Well, I’ll be darned kid. You are an elemental and a duel wielder, not strong in your second element but still duel. Tomorrow, I’ll be escorting you from this forsaken village to the nearest city, Vale. Say your goodbyes. You won’t be back for a long time if ever.”
Soran stood there stunned. He really was an elemental, soon his eyes would be gold and blue because of his duel nature. He stumbled from the training area leaving stunned silence behind him. When he reached outside, he let loose a yell. He’d be training in a military city! He skipped all the way home as best as he could in the snow. He burst through the door of his house yelling. “I’m a duel Elemental!”
His older brother and only brother from the same father high fived him. “We’ll be famous!”
This mother, Dareen, hugged him her sad blue eyes almost smiling with her forced smile. “You’ll be wonderful, just like….” Her voice trailed off.
“Like who?” both of them asked quickly.
“Never mind, when do you leave Soran?”
“I leave tomorrow.”
“Of course, you would,” his mother responded grimly seeming much older than her twenty two years.
Soran walked over to the bed laid out on the floor where his five younger siblings slept, each of them from one of the different breeder men in town. All them fodder for the never ending war. The population had lowered so much in the first years of the war that the whole world had been restructured. To ensure that, there were enough children being born despite almost all the husbands being gone, breeder men had been instituted. They managed the village and helped out with all the heavy work in the village and were often skilled in a trade. They also made sure the women were constantly pregnant after with a three month wait time after having a baby. All women were ordered to start at thirteen, but for the first two years they could choose someone their own age, because boys did not go to war until fifteen.
Soran wondered if he would miss his younger siblings. Mark, his older brother, he knew he would miss. His small world was changing. These hard times didn’t allow one to stay a child very long. It was time for him to go help out on the fields. He sighed and stood taking in the dark moldy wood that made up their house. It was so cold. He switched his cloak for his work cloak and shivered as his hand passed the cold rusty metal of the hook. Hoping that today wouldn’t be a hard day of work, he braved the cold.

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Everyone (Blitz doesn't count) fears ninjas, except for one: I, Ninjahunter

Can you change me from the monster you made me? Monster: Starset


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