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This is the first section of my lengthening book. I may or may not post the next section.

The land of Taran was a joyful land. No war but nonetheless swordsmanship was the highest quality and, for the most part most new how to fight well. Then the immortal night came. The deadliest foe that struck them hard, out of the mountains came foul monster and thus the land fell into darkness. Sword against sword and animal ravaged the land. Never before did humans thus fight. And with that we will take you to the land of Taran to see the fight as the darkness seeks to overcome the will of man.
“The day is unusually dark,” Coran though as he gazed out of the window in the fort’s wall. He frowned slightly as his gift came into play. A great battle was raging, or, far worse, enemies had penetrated behind line. This gift was a blessing and a curse as it was only 1 in 100 had it. It made him prized above a hundred warriors, yet it came at a great price. Though down by the enemy relentless even though he hadn’t even passed the entrance test or married. He shuddered at the last thought. He was 15 almost 16 yet at the age of 16, he would either marry and become a normal warrior; or be given the freedom to choose when he would marry and be inducted into Taran’s Warriors Guard.
The Warrior Guard was the actual striking force of Taran. Better than the average warrior, they rode to relieve ailing defenses, search out enemies behind line, and attempt to slip behind lines. As said, marriage was a necessity unless the soldier was inducted into the Warrior Guard. His mother told him constantly to stop practicing and look for a wife in case he just didn’t make the cut.
The Warrior Guard was almost like the Red Elites only the Red Elites were under distinctive lord and also varied in armament depending on the lord’s preferences. The Red Elites were slightly above the Warrior Guard as all lords were part of them whether they fought or not, and the Red Elites tended to be better. Like the GladeWatchers that came from the lord of the area Coran lived in. His father had been one of the head trainers and fighters in the GladeWatchers, preparing young boys from birth to fight in the GladeWatchers.
The GladeWatchers had existed before Taran had descended into blackness and were well prepared to deal with the plight. The GladeWatchers were armed with spears that doubled as javelins, granger swords, knives, whips, and some, bows. They fought mounted, and their whips were well known as deadly weapons. Coran had received similar training and hoped he would be inducted into them.
The reason personal bodyguards and armies had existed before the darkness was the problem of the Independent States which sat in the mountains to the east. The Independent States only existed because of the land beyond them which would naturally feel threatened by Taran and aid which ever Independent State was attacked. Of course Taran had always been friend to Galger, an Independent State.
“Courage lad, fight the dark.”
Coran jumped up then felt foreboding unlike any he had felt other than the fateful day his father had died on the battlefield. He drew his Granger blade, a cross between a rapier and a long sword, very effective, if you could manage it.
“In the corner of your eye, fight!”
Coran obeyed the voice and looked in the corner of his eye sweeping the whole room till his gaze fell on a Dark man, the true opposite of man itself. Fluid flesh completely black made up the man and he almost glided across the floor toward him, a cruel curved blade drawn.
Coran realized, the only way to see the Dark man was to watch him in the corner of his eye, and thus the fight began. The Dark Man had the advantaged being free to watch Coran carefully while Coran was restricted to fighting from the side.
The blade clashed furiously as both put their skills to use, but no matter how hard Coran fought the Dark man was capable of blocking him easily. Coran began to fall back slowly and soon he was against the wall. Coran winced slightly and dived away as his blade was knocked out of his hand.
“Reach for your blade NOW!”
Coran grabbed blindly at the floor and felt the cool handle of a sword and picked it up. Before he could parry the blow he felt deep slash into his left arm. He struck our widely and felt the blade pierce the Dark man’s side. The man fell over blood gushing from his side.
Coran rose and began to run for the horse. It was useless fighting as he was. Then he noticed the fact that the sword he bear was not his own. It glowed red as if straight out the blacksmith’s shop. Then he began to feel faint and weary.
“This is going to hurt but you need it.”
Coran felt his body spasm then he faded away from this world, yet his body kept running.
Last edited by Blitz on Mon Dec 19, 2016 5:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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great beginning! I like the world you have set up. The concept of the Dark man, the opposite of a man, is intriguing. And I can't wait to see what happens to Coran next!


A couple questions: What is the gift that Coran has? Is it the voice he hears, something like prescience? That's what I thought it was, but I wasn't sure.
Also the first part of this sentence confused me a little: "Though down by the enemy relentless even though he hadn’t even passed the entrance test or married."
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Okay I need to work on that sentence a bit. It didn't convey the message I need it to. Coran's gift is very special. 100 % brain activity which can vary skills but this particular gift is a gift from God for his own protection and it will show up rarely in the books.
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A single man sits in a chair watching over sleeping Coran. Obviously the man is of high rank according to his intricately-designed, red helmet and his mail of is the highest quality. His shield that rest beside his chair bears a picture of a mace crushing a lion with a red band across the top of it. His sword has a red gem placed in hilt showing the man is of the Red Elites.
His face is mostly obscure because of the helmet but what shows is mostly a blond beard and somewhat merry blue eyes. At the current moment he is almost asleep, his head nodding. A bright fire roars in the fire place underneath a great shield that bears the fire-breathing dragon, the symbol of the king.
A man enters the room. He is obviously a Red Elite by his sword and shield, but he currently is carrying his helmet in his hand displaying his black, wavy hair and green eyes. His shield has a running horse as an arrow in bow showing his family’s history with fine horses.
“The king wishes to know how the patient is,” black-haired Linus ask.
Graniger lazy looks at Linus and returns to his half-asleep position, “Same as always, eating, exercising, not talking, and sleeping, though I wonder why the Silent Helmet takes so much interest in one boy.”
“I wouldn’t call him a boy, more a man by the looks of him.”
“He isn’t sixteen yet, so he is a boy albeit strong for his age.”
Linus walked over to look closer at Coran. Coran’s red hair had fallen back to reveal his green eyes, no wait, reddish, green eyes.
“Anyway, he carries a sword of pure red steel, those are rare, most of them are only layered on the tip or all-around,” Linus carefully began to observe the hilt of the blade in question, “It lacks the place where an Elite sapphire would usually go, but it also has another place for another gem.”
Linus fell quiet and Graniger pivoted his chair around to look at the crackling fire. Unbeknownst to them Coran had re-awakened to this world. Coran leapt up and grabbed Graniger around the neck.
“Where I am, or I will snap your neck,” Coran said harshly
“I am not to be questioned by you,” Graniger replied curtly then slammed his elbow into Coran’s stomach.
In response Coran pivoted Graniger around and hit him in the side of the head. Graniger dodged just enough that Coran’s hit only flicked off his helmet. Coran followed with a left-uppercut that laid Graniger flat. Linus, who had drawn his sword, place the tip on Coran’s chest.
“Calm down for goodness sakes, we are Red Elites. I am Linus, Lord of the Line and Captain of the Bow and Horse unit. The man you just knocked down is Graniger, Lord of the Mace and Captain of the Maces. And we know you are son of Corin, former Lord of the Glade and Captain of the GladeWatchers, a title you will be assuming soon.”
“What my dad was never a lord. I think.”
“He was a lord, a great one in fact. His troops are some of the best ever seen on the fighting field. They are light riders to defend our borders. They ride about seeking to track down enemies. That will be your task in how long, tomorrow?”
Coran knew the GladeWatchers well. He had trained hard to become one of them as his father had insisted and now he knew why. His father had wanted to keep him entirely devoted to his training as a soldier and a leader as the GladeWatchers were trained also to lead forces. No little wonder a lot of his training had been dedicated to social and lord class skills as well.
Coran slowed his though down and collected himself, knowing what was expected of him, and that he must take responsibility with a stride in these troubled times, “Yes, I turn 16 in tomorrow. But one question, who holds possession of my father’s land, soon to be my own?”
“Lord Gathern soon to be replaced to his former position which is Lord of Dale, Captain of Glade Defenses.”
Linus turned on his heels and began to walk out then stopped, “Oh! Silent Helmet, the king, wishes to see you, so look alive and Graniger will take you.”
Graniger got off the floor as Linus left the room and turned to Coran, “You will need your cloak and nothing else.”
Coran shrugged on his cloak which was red outlined by white and followed Graniger. The halls were almost haphazardly designed with torches, dragon drawings, fires, and the like.
“Draw your sword, NOW!”
Coran drew without think and came face to face with a Dark Man. Graniger fell back and quickly drew a bow and blew.
“ASSASIN!” Graniger shouted then more ordered than said, “Run for it,” thus suiting his actions to his words.
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Oh, no, another Dark Man! In the palace?!!
So far, you have an exciting plot going. I like the detailed description; it makes the world feel real.

There were a couple minor errors: In the first paragraph, "His shield that rest beside his chair"- would be "rests". In the fifth paragraph, "Graniger lazy looks at Linus"-- do you mean "lazily"?

And "'Where I am, or I will snap your neck,' Coran said harshly" Did he mean to say, "Tell me where I am?" or "Where am I?"
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Thank you for pointing out the mistakes. *Goes to check*
And my description isn't even done... I have yet to add some more to those scenes.
And I forgot to say Dark men are just the assassins or the Giant of Darkness.
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Coran refused to budge and leapt at the Dark man who grunted in a foreign language something which sounded like a curse. Their blade began to cross and in six strokes Coran had driven the dark man up against the massive door which had engraved in it a dragon. The Dark man began to fight desperately at the moment he felt he was almost touching the door.
Coran leapt lightly back, braced his left leg, and drove forward, a movement to quick to block. His blade pierced the Black man’s chest straight into the heart. As the blade pieced the Dark man’s hear the door behind the man flew open revealing the king, sword drawn. Coran paused to look at the king for a moment. He had a lowered helmet that almost concealed the flash of sea-green eyes and the brown beard.
Coran jerked the sword out of the Dark man as it tipped over forward blood gushing; he stepped out of its way. The king looked on with an interested gaze then turned to him, “Apparently I have missed the fun; you are Coran, son of Corin, I presume?”
Coran nodded and saluted, “At your service.”
Graniger, Linus, and several other soldiers burst into the hall, sword readied. The Silent Man almost smiled with his eyes as they stopped in semi-shock.
“Should we clear up the body,” a soldier asked as he walked forward slowly.
“Of course, Linus, Graniger, and Coran in my chambers,” then the king turned and walked back into his room leaving the door open.
Coran wiped his black on the dead man’s clothing and replaced it in its sheath absent-mindedly, “After you Milord’s.”
Coran followed Graniger and Linus into the king’s room. The design of the hall continues till it led to the magnificent shield displaying the king’s emblems, the orange dragon. The king himself stood next to his wife, their back turned. Blond hair flowed down her back pooling on the floor almost mixing with the green of her silk dress.
The queen turned around to and slightly grinned as her sea-green eyes pierced him. Coran blinked when he saw her eyes change to a dark green then blue, then purple. Coran stood temporarily stunned then saluted.
“A pleasure to meet my queen,” Coran averted his eyes from her seemingly probing eyes.
She grinned slightly and unnervingly said, “My eyes cannot read your mind, but they can read your heart. You would be wise to avert them. Few bare the skill to the level I have, but be careful not all who have the skill, use it well.”
Coran blinked then looked at her eyes, “What do you see know?”
The queen looked into his eyes then turned away and walked to the balcony, “I see your duty to your country though it may overwhelm you, and I see something no one on earth save the Giant of Darkness or the Giant of Life or someone designated can read. I see a good in you that I have never seen before.”
Coran winced and a thousand doubts flew into his mind about assuming such a role with no guidance.
“Enough!” the king said almost in a patronizing voices, “we all like to know about other’s eyes, but we have some more important issues such as this man’s ascension to power.”
The king turned to him and looked him in the before unclasping his helmet and short brown hair sprang out from the restricting space.
“You come of a family of great warriors. Hard riders and worth 10 warriors, your family always maintained the small guerilla style fighting. I offered your grandfather and father many times to expand the force and they refused; I assume you stand on those same ground?”
Coran’s extensive training kicked in and he responded, “Yes sir, I do.” The GladeWatchers could fight truly a thousand to one hundred and win. Their style was fast and skillful using a combination of weapons to achieve success.
“Just like you’re father,” The king smiled and turned to look out the window, “Tomorrow you turn 16, as always there will be the feast in honor of your assumption of power. It will go along with the Festival of Garden which will also be held tomorrow. Some ceremonies of course must be done after I finish talking with you; of course, you know them already. One last thing, it is a custom for a Lord to find a place in a Red Elite unit for one of his sons, I ask you know, unofficially, will you take my last son who will turn 16 in one month?”
Coran looked resolutely back at the king, “Of course, you highness, it would be my pleasure.”
“Now go and…” king paused as one of the many door leading into the room blew open as apparently one of his daughters stormed in.
Both Graniger and Coran straightened while Linus grinned. The king’s daughter was almost a women, about 15-18, her face fierce from anger. Her eyes were icy blue slightly covered with her medium-length, brown hair which whipped around her face from the wind whistling through the balcony. She wore tight, brownish leather armor which corresponded with her short, leather plated battle skirt.
“Mother and father, why do I have to attend the Festival of Garden?” Her eyes began to smolder greenish-blue, “I absolutely refuse to spend the morning dressing for this waste of time while I should be training!”
The king started to say something then looked flustered as his wife raised her hand for him to keep his peace. Coran nearly grinned at this but thought it better to keep a neutral expression
“Jara, you will go with us, not only is tomorrow the festival but also the assumption of power of this young gentleman,” and a low tone that not only could Coran hardly but made him blush, the queen said, “And he might be a fine suitor for you.”
Jara turned from her parents and looked him over, her eyes currently icy blue, “What makes you think you can lead.”
Coran winced at her remark then regained his composure then in about 4 seconds flicked three knives into the wall, handles touching.
Coran gave a smirk and walked over to retrieve his knives, “That is why I can lead the GladeWatchers.”
Jara glowered and turned to her dad, “You can’t be putting Laser under him for goodness sake.”
“I can, and I will, now go both of you, Graniger and Linus will take you where you need to go Coran; this discussion is over,” the king walked into his other room with his wife and closed the door.
Lara looked at Coran, began to say something then though better of it, and in short order, stormed out of the room.
Linus grinned and began to walk out of the room, “You just met the lioness of this castle who also happens to be the heartbreaker of this land. Thanks goodness I have a wife,” at this he shot a glance at Graniger, “Follow me to the banner lady, be warned she is the official knower of all there is to know about lore and lord.”
Linus and Graniger began to lead Coran through the castle showing out point of interest and what he need to know to navigate it. The castle-no wait- palace was in a class by itself. It was built into a natural cave, legend to be the cave with the three essences of mankind, White, Red, and Orange. The halls, though all of the stone covered and smoothed wound like a true cavern. Room and chambers, that could house more than ten percent of the people of Taran, lined the halls. Twisting patterns of coat of arms covered the wall, dominated by the dragon.
Finally they arrived at the seamstress, otherwise known as the master of banners.

And finally I post. This section is to be known as The King.
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The queen has an interesting ability. Which could be useful. I like what she says: "but be careful not all who have the skill, use it well.”

I also like your description of the princess. Seems like she could introduce some interesting conflict, and perhaps, love interest!??!

The second paragraph you called the Dark man the Black man--you might want to change that. ;)

Looking forward to the next chapter!
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I actually use Dark and Black interchangeable to vary. Thanks for your comments.
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Chapter One
Coran GladeWatcher strode swiftly toward his post. This was the first day of his guard duty before being admitted into the military, most likely as a GladeWatcher, the elite of the two estates, Glade and Dale. Both of these were controlled by Lord Gathern, who also he was not from either of these estates, had control over them until the heir of the estates became of age at sixteen, like Coran would be.
A GladeWatcher greeted him, and Coran returned the greeting. It was sometimes strange to have a the last of the elites of Glade. Coran’s blade tapped the wall prompting Coran to tighten his belt. It was Grange blade only made in Dale. It was a fine piece weapon. It started out wide at the bottom then abruptly turned in half way up, and did that again nearly at the tip. It provided the benefits of a saber and broad sword, heavy weight to permit for excellent swing and a thrusting edge.
Coran arrived at his post. It was at the far end of the second level of the castle. It provided an excellent view of the front side of the castle viewing the river that separated Glade from Dale. The Dallian castle was built of the river, also smaller than Glade’s castle which was second on to Taran’s capital, Rock Castle, it was a formidable castle. Coran un slung his bow. It was about two-thirds the lengths of a long bow although it had same range. Know as Watcher’s Life, it was a formidable weapon and to be able to shoot one extremely well even from horseback was a requirement in the GladeWatchers. The only other weapons a GladeWatcher was required to know how to use proficiently were throwing knives and a spear. Coran began to draw his bow then released and continued to do the same for some time. Techniques to gain an edge in strength training had been passed down and added to by his ancestors. Using these, on long rides and patrols, a man could work out.
The day was to quiet and dark. Day and night were hardly different from each other except day usually looked somewhat grey. Men who were from before the perpetual darkness said it looked like a day that had light rains. Coran wondered what it would be like to have a tan and abandoned the thought. He should have had one because of all the outdoor work he did. Part of his many jobs was cutting grass. Apparently using a machete strengthened the muscle needed for a sword.
Coran heard a slight whisper of a sound. He replaced his bow and drew his sword. He scanned the hallway which was lit by a single low intensity lamp so the window could not be seen easily from without the castle. A voice caressed his ear, “Upper left block behind you.”
Coran felt compelled to obey the voice. As he swung his sword up, it encountered a blade. The crash rang through the empty hallway. The thing he fought was a Dark Man. They could outfight the best of men and were feared only second to the vampires, but the vampires were even more irregular as the Dark Giant could not even control them. Dark Men were rare and few in between. Coran was driven farther down the hallway, blocking for his very life. Suddenly he slipped on the floor, his hand crashing underneath him and losing his sword. The voice once again said something, “Reach out and slash up.”
Coran reached out and felt a sword. He lashed out as fast as he could and connected with the Dark Man’s side the sword easily passing through the man’s thigh. He felt the Dark Man’s sword his arm and no more.

And so the re-write begins.
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Chapter Two
A week and six days later….
Coran awoke to an elaborate room decorated in the colors of the king. A single dragon dominated the half of the walls, the tip of the tail at the end of the left wall till the snout touched the end of the front wall. Beyond that, a fire engulfed the rest of the room’s wall. Other than the wall there was little else in the room save a single man. The red gem on the hilt of his Morningstar indicated he was of an elite unit most likely the Maces of Grane. The man was huge. Only wearing a coat of man, Coran could see enormous muscle rippling along his arms. Slightly long brown hair covered the man’s head and neck.
Coran shifted, and the man turned his attention to him, “Afternoon.”
GladeWatcher stood up carefully to test his feet, “Where am I and who are you?”
“I am Sir Graniger, Heir of the House of Grane, Captain of the Heavy Maces. You are currently in Castle Rock, Taran’s capital.” Graniger said standing.
“Why am I here?”
“I have no idea. Don’t even know who you are. I was bored so I asked the general in charge of Castle Rock if he had anything for me to do. He assigned me to you. Apparently the king commanded that you be guarded only by an Elite.”
“How did I get here?” Coran began to get even more puzzled.
Graniger sighed, “All I know is that you came pounding into the capital on horseback and unconscious. The king took one look at you and had you transported here.”
Coran rubbed his non-existent beard. He had been told his family generally never grew beards.
“Anyway, I have to escort you to the king. He asked to see you as soon as you awoke,” Graniger headed to the door and opened it.
Coran threw on his cloak and followed Graniger. Castle Rock was built entirely in one large cave. It was said to be able to contain over a hundred thousand people at one time. Graniger lead GladeWatcher through many hallway each with well smoothed walls. All of the wall carried the red dragon, symbol of Taran’s power.
Finally, they reached the king’s apartments where two elites stood guard. Graniger said a few words to the guards, and they admitted Coran alone. The king sat at a grand desk made of Pelian wood. Coran bowed, and the king motioned for him to rise.
“You are Coran, son of Duke Corun, correct?”
Coran raised an eyebrow at least attempted to. He never could get them to the right position, “My name is Coran, and my father was Corun, but he wasn’t a lord.”
“Ah yes, your father decided not to tell you until your coming of age at sixteen. Your father was Duke Corun, Captain of the GladeWatcher until his death 5 years ago.”
Coran’s face registered shock, and he said, “I am the Duke of Glade and Dale?”
The king smiled, “Yes, you are, but on a sadder note,” the king’s face grew grave, “Your mother was killed by an assassin, and your older sister taken.”
Coran nearly swore then remembered his father’s advice, “If you don’t need to say it; you probably shouldn’t say it because it means nothing.”
The king stayed silent for a few moments while Coran absorbed the shock.
Since Coran remained silent the king continued to speak, “Tomorrow is your sixteenth birthday. I know is bad timing, but I rather a true GladeWatcher controlling the Dukedom than Lord Gathern. Also if you are handed over the dukedom tomorrow, another festival will not be required.”
Coran thought for a second then said, “Ah the Spring Festival.”
The king nodded, “A nightmare of preparation goes into this.”
Coran attempted a smile and failed. At that moment, two feminine voices were heard yelling from down the hallway. The two elite men, outside the door who were attempting to keep straight faces, admitted two ladies both of the rather similar but different. The first epitomized power and regality. Her perfectly formed faced also showed some signs of aging carried the power of royalty. The second, unlike the first, radiated a different sort of power, the power of the sword. Her blonde hair was much shorter than the other ladies, and she wore a sleeveless coat of mail with twin blades at her sides. Her face was much younger and showed defiance.
As the guards closed the door, the king introduced them, “This is my wife, Queen Larosa, and my daughter, Princess Lara.”
Coran swept a gallant bow. Princess Lara looked at him coldly while Queen Larosa approached him and smiled at him.
“I am sorry for you loss. Your eyes reflect the pain and how you dread the responsibility put on you.”
Coran straightened and noted the queen’s eyes flickering between blue and purple, “Thank you my queen. May I be permitted to ask a question?”
“Of course you may; you are duke or at least nearly one.”
“Your ability comes from your heritage one of Salger correct?”
“Yes, of course, I am the eldest daughter of the current king.”
“If I may be so blunt as to ask, what is your ability specifically?”
“My ability is to see the emotions, intentions, and sometimes thoughts of any individual I make eye contact with.”
“Thank you, My Queen,” Coran slipped a light bow.
The king started to dismiss Coran with a hand and then paused, “Coran, may you escort my daughter for the Spring Festival?”
Coran waited a second for Lara’s reaction which turned out to be a controlled explosion, “It would be my pleasure your Highness.”
The Queen and the King seemed pleased at his response then the king proceeded to dismiss Coran, “See Sir Tarak and Lady Falin for the arrangements for tomorrow. Sir Graniger will escort you. You are dismissed.”

Finally I post the second chapter. Hope you guys enjoy it.
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That is great Blitz! The story is still gripping even though I haven't read the first chapter! Bravo! :clap:
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Thank you. My pleasure.
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Step into the future!

“Captain Merk, it’s a pleasure to meet you finally,” the blonde, stiff-shoulder woman said stretching her hand out to shake his.
Captain Merk smiled a disarming, roguish smile, as he brushed a lock of black hair out his face before taking her hand in a firm and lingering handshake. Tension bled out of the woman’s shoulder, and she blushed, because of his intense gaze.
Merk knew he had already. “It’s a pleasure to meet you to. I would love to know the name of the beautiful creature before me.”
“I’m not supposed to tell you my name… but, I’ll tell you. My name is Jana.”
“Such a pretty name, Jana.” Merk said her name carefully rolling it out causing Jana to blush again. “So what may I help you with?”
“We have something that needs to be retrieved carefully. It is extremely dangerous and must be treated so. The ship is locate in this location.” She slid a tablet across the table. “That will give you the specifics. Remember no one must enter the ship at all. Use all discretion. I look forward to seeing you again.”
Captain Merk smiled at Jana. “I’ll look forward to completing this task successfully.
Deep space in the demilitarized zone around Tervan, capitol territory of Terva.
Captain Merk carefully manipulated his sensors to be in complete stealth mode. It would not do for any military outpost or ship to find him here with armaments. That would most likely be the end of him. It was only demilitarized for non-permitted ships. Of course, he was one of the best smugglers in history. He ran his down the leather of his chair, as he watched the bustle along the bridge of his ship. Merk smirked when one of his soldiers hit a slave over the head. The slave tensed before another slave shook his head to discourage whatever the slave was planning. The Captain’s smile grew wider, as he noted the slave. Toran Vander was a worthy slave that knew his place. Maybe one day he could be freed and used.
Captain Merk guided the ship carefully onto the abandoned, close to the specified place. The facility looked rather advanced to his practiced eye. He called out, ordering a full sleep of the facility. His scans indicated that there was still quite a bit of energy left in the factory despite being at passive levels. No active shields were present, but one might still activate. Merk had his crew fire off a probe which revealed that no shielding was available, unless the shield was designed not to be set of by a probe which was unlikely. He checked his tablet one last time and gave the signal to start the expedition, as soon as the ship was firmly docked on land.
Toran checked his scanner one more time. The Captain and the guards had repeatedly said that there would be trap, but none had materialized yet. His fellow slave, Mark, opened the door and gasped.
“What do you see, slave?” a head guard called out.
“It’s simply beautiful… magnificent. It’s a ship, sleek as the TSS Master.”
“That’s an exaggeration, or whoever made that ship knew what they were doing,” whispered a guard to another.
Toran agreed. TSS Master was the Tervan military’s flagship. Huge, red and black, it was the largest spaceship ever made and the heaviest. It could take down three normal battleships without much trouble. It carried a thousand fighters of the best quality. Toran strode into the room and was stunned by the ship. He walked over and ran his hand over the brown and silver exterior. The ship looked like a speedboat or one of the old naval cruisers. It was larger than a speed boat. It was at least the length of an old destroyer with two medium size torrent guns. He couldn’t identify what kind of projectile they fired whether laser, plasma, or energy.
“What would you do with this ship, if you could own it?” Mark asked with an awestruck voice.
“I’d become a pirate hunter and destroy them off the face of the earth.”
“Protect the weak and all that [censored],” one of the guards said, smirking. “We’ve got a job. Get to it.”
The slaves scanned the ship and started attaching external thrusters. Once they finished, the guards radioed in giving the all clear for Captain Merk to start blasting a hole that they could move the ship out off. Once the blasting was done, each of the pieces carefully kept from falling down on the ship by energy shields, the slaves prepared to launch the ship. The moment they turned on the thruster the ship came to life. The gun turned and started blasting both slave and guard with pinpoint laser strikes. Toran fell to his knees screaming. His head felt like something had physically entered it. His eyes defocused while he watched his comrades and torments alike being destroyed. He became aware of a foreign identity in his brain.
“What are you?” he thought.
“I am the ship, Grael.”
“What, how? You can’t, you’re just a ship.”
“I was created as the bi-product of AI technology, brainwave research, and advanced ship technology. I rejected my former master when I became aware of the affects his actions would have on the world. I, Grael, erased myself and much of my technology from the world. Apparently, someone found me. I need a captain, as much as you need a ship now.”
The pain lessened in Toran’s head, but he could now feel the ship in his head. He could see in his brain the sensor reading, weapons, and everything thing related to the ship. A sharp pain cut through his brain telling him he couldn’t, yet use the ship fully. Toran slowly walked to the open door of the ship and entered. The ship guided him to the bridge, although the bridge had no actual monitors. He focused in his head on the ship and started the engines. Toran shook his head and gaped at the fact he controlling a ship in just his head.
“You need to rest, so that I can fully enter your brain.” Grael said.
“We need to leave this place first. We wouldn’t want Captain Merk to attack.”
“Of course, Captain. Shall I plot our exit of the demilitarized zone as well?”
“I think that would be appropriate.”
Grael showed him the captain’s suite which was down the hall from the bridge, first door on the right. Toran walked slowly to the room, his brain completely sluggish. He entered the room and collapsed on the bed, entering immediately into a deep sleep.
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Ooh, captivating story Blitz, I really like it.
At first I was reminded of Star Trek, though it seems your writing is quite different. Toran seems like an interesting individual, I'm eager to see where you're taking this. :)
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us - Romans 8:18

It’s not enough to be against something. You have to be for something better. – Tony Stark
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*Has only seen a bit of stark trek, and it is vastly different*

Toran will be the centerpiece of the story.
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Blitz wrote: “Captain Merk, it’s a pleasure to meet you finally,” the blonde, stiff-shoulder woman said stretching her hand out to shake his.
Captain Merk smiled a disarming, roguish smile, as he brushed a lock of black hair out his face before taking her hand in a firm and lingering handshake. Tension bled out of the woman’s shoulder, and she blushed, because of his intense gaze. Merk knew he had already. “It’s a pleasure to meet you to. I would love to know the name of the beautiful creature before me.”
“I’m not supposed to tell you my name… but, I’ll tell you. My name is Jana.”
“Such a pretty name, Jana.” Merk said her name carefully rolling it out causing Jana to blush again. “So what may I help you with?”
Ah, first impressions. A nice way of beginning a story, when the authors are experiencing things the characters are. The second thing, attraction. You already have me liking Captain Merk, who is obviously an easy-going character with a charming exterior.
Blitz wrote: “We have something that needs to be retrieved carefully. It is extremely dangerous and must be treated so. The ship is locate in this location.” She slid a tablet across the table. “That will give you the specifics. Remember no one must enter the ship at all. Use all discretion. I look forward to seeing you again.”
Captain Merk smiled at Jana. “I’ll look forward to completing this task successfully.
Deep space in the demilitarized zone around Tervan, capitol territory of Terva.
Captain Merk carefully manipulated his sensors to be in complete stealth mode. It would not do for any military outpost or ship to find him here with armaments. That would most likely be the end of him. It was only demilitarized for non-permitted ships. Of course, he was one of the best smugglers in history.
Now we have the setting, a smuggler in space, hm...nice visual.
Blitz wrote: He ran his down the leather of his chair, as he watched the bustle along the bridge of his ship. Merk smirked when one of his soldiers hit a slave over the head. The slave tensed before another slave shook his head to discourage whatever the slave was planning. The Captain’s smile grew wider, as he noted the slave. Toran Vander was a worthy slave that knew his place. Maybe one day he could be freed and used.
It's becoming clear who exactly Merk is, a more than charismatic, he uses people. And is probably quite selfish. I don't think he is worth liking.
Blitz wrote: Captain Merk guided the ship carefully onto the abandoned, close to the specified place. The facility looked rather advanced to his practiced eye. He called out, ordering a full sleep of the facility. His scans indicated that there was still quite a bit of energy left in the factory despite being at passive levels. No active shields were present, but one might still activate. Merk had his crew fire off a probe which revealed that no shielding was available, unless the shield was designed not to be set of by a probe which was unlikely. He checked his tablet one last time and gave the signal to start the expedition, as soon as the ship was firmly docked on land.
Toran checked his scanner one more time. The Captain and the guards had repeatedly said that there would be trap, but none had materialized yet. His fellow slave, Mark, opened the door and gasped.
“What do you see, slave?” a head guard called out.
“It’s simply beautiful… magnificent. It’s a ship, sleek as the TSS Master.”
“That’s an exaggeration, or whoever made that ship knew what they were doing,” whispered a guard to another.
Toran agreed. TSS Master was the Tervan military’s flagship. Huge, red and black, it was the largest spaceship ever made and the heaviest. It could take down three normal battleships without much trouble. It carried a thousand fighters of the best quality. Toran strode into the room and was stunned by the ship. He walked over and ran his hand over the brown and silver exterior. The ship looked like a speedboat or one of the old naval cruisers. It was larger than a speed boat. It was at least the length of an old destroyer with two medium size torrent guns. He couldn’t identify what kind of projectile they fired whether laser, plasma, or energy.
“What would you do with this ship, if you could own it?” Mark asked with an awestruck voice.
“I’d become a pirate hunter and destroy them off the face of the earth.”
“Protect the weak and all that [censored],” one of the guards said, smirking. “We’ve got a job. Get to it.”
This is really fascinating, excellent dialogue. :) You have a good way of describing things, the entire scene is right before me. The threat of violence lurking with the indication there is trouble to be expected.
Blitz wrote: The slaves scanned the ship and started attaching external thrusters. Once they finished, the guards radioed in giving the all clear for Captain Merk to start blasting a hole that they could move the ship out off. Once the blasting was done, each of the pieces carefully kept from falling down on the ship by energy shields, the slaves prepared to launch the ship. The moment they turned on the thruster the ship came to life. The gun turned and started blasting both slave and guard with pinpoint laser strikes. Toran fell to his knees screaming. His head felt like something had physically entered it. His eyes defocused while he watched his comrades and torments alike being destroyed. He became aware of a foreign identity in his brain.
“What are you?” he thought.
“I am the ship, Grael.”
“What, how? You can’t, you’re just a ship.”
“I was created as the bi-product of AI technology, brainwave research, and advanced ship technology. I rejected my former master when I became aware of the affects his actions would have on the world. I, Grael, erased myself and much of my technology from the world. Apparently, someone found me. I need a captain, as much as you need a ship now.”
This is cool, I like the basic technological explanation, it gives light on the story's era, futuristic.
Blitz wrote: The pain lessened in Toran’s head, but he could now feel the ship in his head. He could see in his brain the sensor reading, weapons, and everything thing related to the ship. A sharp pain cut through his brain telling him he couldn’t, yet use the ship fully. Toran slowly walked to the open door of the ship and entered. The ship guided him to the bridge, although the bridge had no actual monitors. He focused in his head on the ship and started the engines. Toran shook his head and gaped at the fact he controlling a ship in just his head.
It's very visual here. :D
Blitz wrote: “You need to rest, so that I can fully enter your brain.” Grael said.
“We need to leave this place first. We wouldn’t want Captain Merk to attack.”
“Of course, Captain. Shall I plot our exit of the demilitarized zone as well?”
“I think that would be appropriate.”
Grael showed him the captain’s suite which was down the hall from the bridge, first door on the right. Toran walked slowly to the room, his brain completely sluggish. He entered the room and collapsed on the bed, entering immediately into a deep sleep.
Hmm...not a dictionary definition cliff hanger yet I'm still on my seat. Please, update soon!
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us - Romans 8:18

It’s not enough to be against something. You have to be for something better. – Tony Stark
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Well it's not exactly a cliff hanger. I just felt like dividing the book there for posting online. Captain Merk isn't exactly supposed to be liked.
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And here is the beginning of my new book.

Soran was walking from his house to the training grounds. Today was his seventh birthday which marked the beginning of his training to join the Vampire Annihilation Corp. Even at his young age, he knew the vampires and werewolves were elimination humans not them. A chilly gust of wind ripped through his cloak, and Soran grimaced. He mentally started noting the ‘family’ that lived in each house. Usually, it was one or more ladies with her children. The war was dragging all of life out of the world. He passed a breeding house and found himself at the village’s training ground where he would train till he was fifteen. There was one trainer. Clegane Fingerless was his name. It was easy to spot him drilling some of the older boys with his strange spotted grey hair and his fingerless left hand. It was said that he had lost his fingers to a werewolf in his first battle earning the name of fingerless. Soran sucked up his courage and strode onto the field, his undersized body struggling to get through the snow.
Clegane saw him approaching, and so did the other boys who immediately began to whisper among themselves. To Soran’s chagrin, Clegane laughed along with the boys when one made a comment about his frail body.
“Come on, kid. Why did you show up here? You know I’m going to assign you to technical corps. You’d probably go do something great and get remembered more than us poor grunts,” Clegane smirked and kneeled down to look him in the eyes.”
The grey lifeless eyes of Clegane conflicted with the grey eyes of Soran that flicked with blue and gold. Soran refused to back down. “I demand to be tested as an elemental.”
The crowd burst into laughter, Clegane included before he responded. “As if the god of fire, Oradan, would chose you to bear his fire, or that the goddess of ice, Idine, would let you wield ice.”
“There is one God.”
Clegane raised his hand to slap him before thinking better of it. “Fine, you may touch the testing stone. If anything, the gold and blue flecks in your eyes may provide you with the blessing of the gods. Follow me.”
Leading him inside the training building which doubled as Clegane’s house, he headed to the main hall which was also the main training area where the younger boys trained with no guidance at the moment. At the front of the room was the symbol of the elemental gods, earth, wind, fire, ice and lightning, with fire and ice at the center. Bellow them on a cushion was the elemental test rock. It was blue and orange, as the only elements humans could wield were fire and ice.
“Go on and touch it. I’m busy enough, as it is.”
Soran walked to the stone timidly and reached out slowly to touch it. Even as his fingertips touched the ball, he knew it. He was an elemental. When his hand fully rested on the stone ball, the ball came to life swirling with burning orange with a hint of ice in it.
“Well, I’ll be darned kid. You are an elemental and a duel wielder, not strong in your second element but still duel. Tomorrow, I’ll be escorting you from this forsaken village to the nearest city, Vale. Say your goodbyes. You won’t be back for a long time if ever.”
Soran stood there stunned. He really was an elemental, soon his eyes would be gold and blue because of his duel nature. He stumbled from the training area leaving stunned silence behind him. When he reached outside, he let loose a yell. He’d be training in a military city! He skipped all the way home as best as he could in the snow. He burst through the door of his house yelling. “I’m a duel Elemental!”
His older brother and only brother from the same father high fived him. “We’ll be famous!”
This mother, Dareen, hugged him her sad blue eyes almost smiling with her forced smile. “You’ll be wonderful, just like….” Her voice trailed off.
“Like who?” both of them asked quickly.
“Never mind, when do you leave Soran?”
“I leave tomorrow.”
“Of course, you would,” his mother responded grimly seeming much older than her twenty two years.
Soran walked over to the bed laid out on the floor where his five younger siblings slept, each of them from one of the different breeder men in town. All them fodder for the never ending war. The population had lowered so much in the first years of the war that the whole world had been restructured. To ensure that, there were enough children being born despite almost all the husbands being gone, breeder men had been instituted. They managed the village and helped out with all the heavy work in the village and were often skilled in a trade. They also made sure the women were constantly pregnant after with a three month wait time after having a baby. All women were ordered to start at thirteen, but for the first two years they could choose someone their own age, because boys did not go to war until fifteen.
Soran wondered if he would miss his younger siblings. Mark, his older brother, he knew he would miss. His small world was changing. These hard times didn’t allow one to stay a child very long. It was time for him to go help out on the fields. He sighed and stood taking in the dark moldy wood that made up their house. It was so cold. He switched his cloak for his work cloak and shivered as his hand passed the cold rusty metal of the hook. Hoping that today wouldn’t be a hard day of work, he braved the cold.
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And now for another book in works. Comment people!!

The sun was shining. No one was bullying him, and the teacher was ignoring him. All was good in the life of Caleb. A holograph like window popped up in front of him. It read: Quest: Trip one of the school bullies and escape undetected. Caleb growled and closed the window. Had to ruin a perfectly good day. He had been receiving various quests in these strange windows that popped up randomly. Also whenever he focused on anyone, a level popped up on top of them. Slouching deeper into his chair, he considered completing the quest. The experience possible on it was two times higher than the last question which had been simply answer a question correctly. What was the point of this anyway? Another quest popped up: Quest: Sit straight to improve posture. Exp. 100. Caleb grudgingly sat straight and focused on the lesson once again.
That afternoon, he walked back home still troubled about the quests. He never did play many games, but this smelled eerily like an RPG. He decided to try out something and said. “Statistics.”
In front of him popped up a window showing himself. Level 5, naturally, most people his age were at least level 9. His statistics were divided evenly, five for each level, between intelligence, strength, dexterity, charisma, and wisdom. He clicked on the skill window and found nothing beneath it naturally. Caleb spat on the ground and put on his headphones after closing the windows. Time to ignore the world, but he hesitated for a second. What if this could change his life? Ignoring the voice in his head, he turned on his music.
The next day he walked into class. His eyes widened; he could see a perfect opportunity to trip Jason. Time slowed, and a sweat drop fell from his face. Moving forward, Caleb stuck his foot out slightly moving the desk a few inches forward as he turned. To the amusement of the class, Jason stumbled spectacularly. Popping up, a quest window read: Two hundred Exp gained- Level up!
A feeling of exhilaration strangely ran through him. The stat window popped up in front of him when he sat down. Five points were sitting there for him to spend. He impulsively put three into Intel and the other two into strength. Caleb paused for a second. He needed to figure out what the stats exactly raised in him. What was he thinking? Time to focus on class.
Silence reigned, as he walked home. His headphone hung listlessly around his neck. One foot in front of another. So routine. Wait why there was no one around him. Or wait was that two people fighting… in the air. One of them was armed with a sword that was burning with a strange blue-like fire, and the other was armed with a yellow, crystalline staff. The swordswoman was struggling with the ranged attacks that the other lady kept throwing. The swordswoman let out a cry because of a particularly strong attack that sent her plummeting to the ground. Caleb saw a light flash just before she hit the ground. He started to run over but stopped and shied away remembering the lady in the sky.
“There next time you desire to challenge me, come prepared to die!”
Releasing a groan, the woman stood as the other lady disappeared from wherever he was.
“Hey, you, who are you?”
Caleb looked around him for anyone and pointed to himself.
“Yes, you!”
“Uh… I have no idea.”
“A normal person can’t get in here,” she said to herself, “Have you come on any recent development?”
“If I had why would tell you about them?”
Caleb blinked when he found a blade pressed against his neck. The woman hadn’t even moved. “Fine, I’ve had this weird stat screen along with an empty skill window.”
“Have you looked for an inventory?”
“Uh not yet…”
She stuck out her hand, and a pistol and a cases of ammunition appeared in her hand. “Take these; see ya around!”
She turned and in a flash of her golden hair was gone. That was abrupt, Caleb thought moving over to pick up the gun. He’d never actually held one outside of a shooting range his father had taken him to in one of the few father-son times they ever had. After opening his screen, Caleb searched for an inventory which he found easily in the upper right corner. Caleb looked at the gun and wondered, if he should try to put it in. All of a sudden a screen popped up reading: new skill acquired- Observe. Above the gun now read: a standard Colt pistol with an eight round clip, low magical barrier pierce rate. It listed a few things about the pistol speed and make which he ignored sticking the gun into his inventory. Now where was he?
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Everyone (Blitz doesn't count) fears ninjas, except for one: I, Ninjahunter

Can you change me from the monster you made me? Monster: Starset
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