From the Mixed Up Files of Belle

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From the Mixed Up Files of Belle

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This is my writings thread. Enjoy!

I am writing a book...story..whatever you want to call it.

Not quite sure where on earth it's going yet, but I thought I'd let you guys see the beginning of it. :)

Chapter One


~Sometime in the present day~

He turned, slightly startled, “Molly?”

I cringe inside. I hate my name, plain and boring, just like me. Well, except for my frizzy blonde hair. Most people would call it naturally curly, but I don’t.

I turn around. I was hoping not to run into anyone on my quick trip around town.

“Bentley?” I try to sound a little more excited than I actually am. But with a start I realize how much he’s grown in the year since I’ve seen him. In place of the scrawny red-headed boy, stands a man, and with auburn hair, no less.

“Molly! It is you. My, you’ve changed.”

He’s right, I know. But I wonder how much of it can really be seen by others.

“Where’ve you been, girl?” He puts his hand on my shoulder, and I instantly stiffen. He’s done it many times in the past. But that was then. This is now.

“Oh, you know, places.” I smile and act as nonchalant as I can. I don’t want to remember anything about the man who took decades off my life, even though it was just a year.

I look for a way of escape, but nothing catches my eye. Main Street is unusually empty for this time of day.

His phone suddenly starts ringing, breaking the silence. He pulls it out of his pocket, as it belts an accordion solo of Beethoven's 5th Symphony.

“I, I have to get this.” He apologizes.

“That’s fine, I have to get going too.” I lie.

I walk off, as quickly as I can, while he starts having an animated conversation with whoever it is.

In my car I hit the console a couple times before starting the engine. I don’t want to bring up the past with anyone, but I know they’ll ask. I toss my purchase on the passenger seat, a gift for my violin; some rosin. Was going for it by myself worth it? I’m not sure.

Back at home, I disappear into the happy person my family thinks I am.

We have supper, and I laugh at all the right times during the dinner conversation.

But after I’ve helped clean the dishes, I am quiet. I turn the tv to BBC. A show I like is on, but I’m not paying attention.

At some point, my mother must have come into the room without me noticing. After the show has finished, she speaks. I jump.

“You should go to bed, honey. You look exhausted.”

She’s right. But I don’t think any amount of sleep will help. But I comply.
I’m in my bed in record time, though I’m not sure why I rushed. Here is the worst part of my day. Just trying to sleep, but not accomplishing anything. I lie in bed, staring up in the ceiling. In the corner is a lonely glow-in-the dark star Bentley gave me years ago. I don’t know why I’ve kept it.

A bright flash awakens me. Or does it? With a panic I realize I’m still dreaming.

“No. Not this again!” I say the light. “I don’t. I, can’t.” No one answers.

Then, just as quickly as the light came, it disappears. I reach out into the blackness, and find I’m boxed in. On all sides. My heart starts racing faster. The walls are slowly getting closer, closer, closer. I scream, and then I fall.

Right back into my bed. I slap my arm, and it stings. Good. I am awake.

I was wrong. The worst part of my day isn’t laying in bed before I go to sleep. It’s the nightmares.

~

When I wake up in the morning, I’m still tired. My mother notices the dark circles under my eyes. She piles a few little jars and tubes in my arms and pushes me back towards the bathroom.

“Here, use these. I bought them for you yesterday.”

I take them, and without even looking at them, I pile them into the middle drawer with all the other makeup products my mom has gotten for me. I don’t know the point, since I never use them, and she knows that. I dislike makeup, and it bothers my face. Nor do I see the point in spending an hour in the bathroom in the morning. I’d rather get going with my day quickly.

My breakfast is just a bowl of cereal; simple, yet filling. I’m slightly excited as I find my purse and violin and pull on my shoes; today is the first day of orchestra practice at the high school.

“See ya later, Mom!” I yell to the house. There’s no reply.

~

I dislike being late, so it rarely happens, but this time I’ve misjudged my arrival. I am exactly 20 minutes early. There are a few other cars in the parking lot, so I decided to check if the door is unlocked. It is.

My footsteps are the only sound as I walk down the eerily quiet hallway. The school has been freshly cleaned, in preparation for the new year. I think about how I’m glad I’ve graduated, finally, though the only memories this building has for me is the orchestra. Homeschooling was such a blessing.

A soft melody wafts from the auditorium. Curiously, I take the back entrance to the stage to listen. A boy, with tousled brown hair and glasses is sitting in the middle of the stage, playing a cello. The music is beautiful, a tune I’ve never heard before. It sends shivers down my spine.

I try to move closer, enchanted by the music, but I trip over the drum set, and land on the pedal for the bass drum.

KA-BUM

The boy stands up, and I quickly attempt to wrangle myself up.

KA-BUM
KA-BUM

Just as he gets over to me, I stand up. We look at each other for a long second, and he holds out his right hand.

“Hello, I’m Henry Mitchells.” My heart skips a beat after hearing his crisp British accent. I take his hand and give it a firm, yet quick shake.

“I’m Molly Andrews. Are you new here?” I ask.

“Uh, yes. I’m visiting here from Yorkshire. My family is friends with Mr. Kingsley, and he suggested that I come here as a foreign exchanged student of sorts."

I nod, then look at the floor. I'm not good at making small talk.

Suddenly, Mr. Kingsley bursts through the door, singing at the top of his lungs, with no sense of propriety.

"TA-RA-RA BOOM DE AY! TA-RA-RA BOOM DE AY!"

Henry turns towards me, a slight smirk on his face. I grin knowingly.

"Aha! What is this?" Mr. Kingsley notices that Henry and I are the only ones here yet. "I was going to introduce you two, but I assume you've already given each other your life stories, so, I won't bother."

I don't say anything.

"Where are all the rest of the students?" Mr. Kingsley exclaims impatiently. "They should certainly be here by now. Young kids these days don't have any sense of manners. Tsk Tsk."

He turns to look at me. "But, Molly, you're excellent at that. I'm quite proud of you!"

I blush, and look at the floor again.

Mr. Kingsley giggles. “You look so alive when you blush, keep it up!”

I continue looking at the floor, wishing I could sink into it, as I feel my face burning.

Suddenly, the auditorium doors burst open, and a small stream of kids come in.

Marie Henley, the most popular girl in school, was followed by a small group of teenage boys who must have only joined orchestra to be with her, because they had barely any talent whatsoever.

Marie, however, had talent, lots of it. She played the flute, and had since she was a freshmen. She tossed her thick, creamy brown hair over her shoulder, and flashed a white smile at her hoard of boys. “Now, I need to practice, sweets. For goodness sake, please don’t watch me while I do so!”

I roll my eyes. Of course she wants them to be watching her, when wouldn’t she?

The boys pretend to look away and concentrate on their own instruments while she pulls out her flute, but they can’t keep their eyes off her. I look away, not really caring. Who would want that many people having eyes on you all the time? I’m glad it’d never be the case for me.

After people have time to warm up a bit, Mr. Kingsley taps on his music stand with his baton, to start the practice.

An hour later, practice is over. As I’m packing up my violin, Henry comes over to me.

“Hey, I was wondering, I mean, that is.” He stumbles over his words, and I blush, knowingly. He takes a deep breath, “There’s a new Steak ‘n’ Shake in town, would you like to go get a shake with me?”

I look up, and suddenly, it isn’t Henry anymore, it’s HIM. I shudder, as a horrified look comes over my face. I open up my mouth to scream.

“Molly?” Henry says, concerned. I blink, and once again, Henry is the one looking at me.

I nod, and try to say something, anything, to get away from this awkard moment. Nothing comes out, and I sit there with my mouth gaping open, looking like a fish.

I grab my halfway packed up violin and run out of the room, tears starting to stream down my cheeks.

No. Not ever. I can never make that mistake again. HE was all nice and smiles at first, but look at what he turned into.

Tears blinding me, I struggle to get into my car. I wipe my eyes as best I can, and glance back at the school. Good. I wasn’t followed. I try to get my breathing back to normal as I finish packing up my violin. Great. I must have dropped my new rosin on the mad dash out the door.

I sigh, thinking through my options. Maybe I can get some more, and this time, I’ll refuse to talk to anyone I run into.
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~Queen Belle of Altanovia, Knight of Montreal & Order of Aristotle, Benevolent Dictator, Catspaw of the SS, & Dan's couch troll~
~"I’ve always found you to be a good person to disagree with." - Eleventh Doctor~
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GratiaDei
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Wow, this is great. It's just enough mystery to be intriguing, without being confusing. Great job!
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Ameraka
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I like the way you wove the undercurrent of menace beneath the seemingly normal surface. I can't wait till the next chapter!
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Liz'alike
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That was great, GG! I'm REALLY wanting to know what happened between Molly and Bentley! Can't wait for the next installment!
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That is really good I can't wait to hear more
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Never noticed this before, I should pop in more often. Well done, Blondie. There isn't anything at all going on though, which is a problem with all too much fan fiction. If it continues, this will not be a very interesting story... well, it'll be dull as dish water actually.

So far though, it's quite lovely. Mr. Kingsley is charming and quite funny. Why do you choose to open with two the-cute-boy-trophy characters? Are they going to be rivals for Molly?
Last edited by Pound Foolish on Sun Jan 26, 2014 5:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
“I absolutely demand of you and everyone I know that they be widely read in every [censored] field there is: in every religion and every art form and don’t tell me you haven’t got time! There’s plenty of time.”~ Ray Bradbury
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Thanks guys!

I have no idea, PF...I'm just sort of following the story as it goes along.

Here's Chapter 2...I know that Chapter 1 is so long...and this one is so short..not quite sure what to do with it..since Henry doesn't have much to do... :P And I'm not quite sure if I should switch between people talking in one chapter..or change chapters to do that..or maybe 1 is too long? What do you guys think?

Chapter 2


My heart pangs, hard. I can’t figure out what I did to make Molly run away from me, it was almost like she thought I was a monster.

Me.

A Monster.

I almost start crying at the thought, but I know I can’t. Mr. Kingsley is already looking at my curiously after seeing Molly bolt so quickly. Plus, I’m a man.

I take a deep breath, and finish putting away my bow. Slowly, I walk out to the parking lot, staring at my feet most of the way. I see something on the sidewalk, and pick it up.

It’s a box of rosin, almost brand new. I turn it over, and see that it’s marked with the initials M. A.

Molly’s.

The realization gives me a start.

Should I call her? Yes. No. I shouldn’t.

Plus, I don’t have her number.

I kick the curb. I could ask Mr. Kingsley, he’d have it, and maybe he’d give it to me.

But he also isn’t very good at keeping secrets, and next week, everyone would know that I liked her and wanted to call her.

I pocket the little box. Next week, I’ll give it to her.

Next week, you can see her next week, I tell myself.

The thought makes me grin.

~

The early evening air nips at my cold cheeks when I walk up the steps to Mr. Kingsley’s house. I fumble to pull out the set of keys from my pockets.

“Now remember,” I hear Mr. Kingsley’s voice in my head. “The blue key goes in the red lock, the red key in the pink lock, and the purple key in the blue lock.”

I really don’t understand the point of 3 locks on the front door, or them all being different colors, but I don’t understand a lot of things about Mr. Kingsley, for instance, why he stays at the school for two hours after practice to lay on the stage floor. He says it helps him ‘digest the music’.

I finally get all the locks unlocked, and step into the quiet house. I flip on all the light-switches, and throw my coat next to my boots. Even though I’ve graduated high school, I still have college homework to do. I yank my laptop out of my backpack, and turn it on.

The Piano Guys blast in my earbuds while I work on Calculus. A ping alerts me to a chat message from my older sister.

‘Hey Henry, how are you doing?’

‘I’m well, a little lonely at the moment.’

‘Aw, haven’t met any friends yet?’

‘Nope, not quite yet.’
My hands pause over the keyboard. Should I tell Jade about Molly?

I decide not to, since Molly didn’t really seem interested at all in getting to know me.

We chat a little more about what I’ve done here, which really isn’t much.

‘You need to get out of the house, Ree!’ She says, using my childhood nickname.

‘I’ll go to the mall tomorrow.’ I promise her. ‘Maybe I’ll run into some kids from orchestra there.’

I hope not. Unless one is Molly.
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~Queen Belle of Altanovia, Knight of Montreal & Order of Aristotle, Benevolent Dictator, Catspaw of the SS, & Dan's couch troll~
~"I’ve always found you to be a good person to disagree with." - Eleventh Doctor~
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Very sweet. But why is Henry so insecure? Why does he react so much to Molly? "Me, a monster." He came across as rather self-assured before, in your first installment. Personally, if I were talking to a girl and she talked relatively little, blushed like a cherry and smiled at the floor it woudn't be hard to tell... Uh oh.
The way you smile at the floor it ain't hard to tell, you don't know-oh-owww, you don't know you're beautiful!
Sorry. It was out of my hands.
Anyhow, if a girl did all those things for no good reason, I'd assume she were painfully shy and perhaps antisocial, not that I did something dreadful.

Anyhow, lovely style. I adore that you use tags instead of saying, "said" or "exclaimed" etc over and over. However, tags are very hard to do, and yours need a bit of work. You say Molly blushed, for example, over and over, which not only gets redundant, but is very cliche. I'm sorry most of this post is criticism, but it took a while to express what exactly I thought was wrong.

The emotion is quite touching.

If you are only hoping for compliments, let me know. I would absolutely understand and respect that.

1 is not too long.
As to the POV difficulty, my recommendation is when switching between perspectives, you may want to use a different symbol for each one. When your switch from Henry back to Molly rather than vice verse, you might use a music note or asterisk instead of a ~... what are those called? Oh well, you understand what I mean. If you do that, and limit the number of switches ,as well as the POV characters of course, then you should be fine.
“I absolutely demand of you and everyone I know that they be widely read in every [censored] field there is: in every religion and every art form and don’t tell me you haven’t got time! There’s plenty of time.”~ Ray Bradbury
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Love it!!!! You are really good!
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Pound Foolish wrote:Very sweet. But why is Henry so insecure? Why does he react so much to Molly? "Me, a monster." He came across as rather self-assured before, in your first installment. Personally, if I were talking to a girl and she talked relatively little, blushed like a cherry and smiled at the floor it woudn't be hard to tell... Uh oh.
The way you smile at the floor it ain't hard to tell, you don't know-oh-owww, you don't know you're beautiful!
Sorry. It was out of my hands.
Anyhow, if a girl did all those things for no good reason, I'd assume she were painfully shy and perhaps antisocial, not that I did something dreadful.
That, sir, is because you are you, and Henry is Henry. :P
Pound Foolish wrote:Anyhow, lovely style. I adore that you use tags instead of saying, "said" or "exclaimed" etc over and over. However, tags are very hard to do, and yours need a bit of work. You say Molly blushed, for example, over and over, which not only gets redundant, but is very cliche. I'm sorry most of this post is criticism, but it took a while to express what exactly I thought was wrong.
She only blushes once...

Also, not sure what else you're saying is wrong with the tags...

Plus, there are people who blush at everything. Me, for example. :P
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~Queen Belle of Altanovia, Knight of Montreal & Order of Aristotle, Benevolent Dictator, Catspaw of the SS, & Dan's couch troll~
~"I’ve always found you to be a good person to disagree with." - Eleventh Doctor~
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So, Henry's not much of a detective, I'm guessing?

As to the tags...

For one thing, I said a lot of them are cliche, using the blushing as an example. Not sure how to make that clearer, they just are. You know, it's books with characters putting hands in their pockets or looking out the window in between lines. It's used incessantly by numerous authors and is bland and obvious. The universe is full of dreadful books, even published ones, that are like that.

Yes, she only blushes once. But you mention it at least three times. It grows very tiresome very quickly.
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Wow so COOL! I can't wait for more \:D/

Also I like it when you use characters every chapter or so. Instead of in the middle of a chapter ;)
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Forget getting more. Doll refuses to work on it. :cry:
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Everyone (Blitz doesn't count) fears ninjas, except for one: I, Ninjahunter

Can you change me from the monster you made me? Monster: Starset
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Blitz wrote:Forget getting more. Doll refuses to work on it. :cry:
The main problem is that I'm not a writer... and therefore I don't have a plot for this thing...
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~Queen Belle of Altanovia, Knight of Montreal & Order of Aristotle, Benevolent Dictator, Catspaw of the SS, & Dan's couch troll~
~"I’ve always found you to be a good person to disagree with." - Eleventh Doctor~
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Oh, well. I'm your BIGGEST (maybe) fan. Go Belle go! \:D/
I'll wait patiently \:D/
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Belle wrote:
Blitz wrote:Forget getting more. Doll refuses to work on it. :cry:
The main problem is that I'm not a writer... and therefore I don't have a plot for this thing...
You're a writer if you write--and enjoy writing.
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Whale, I hope this doesn't make people depressed, but I had the idea after I listened to True Calling again on my trip.

The drizzling grey skies left Mandy DeWhite feeling melancholy, though she wasn’t sure why. Normally a break from the bright sunlight helped her relax, but today she felt tense.

She stepped up onto her porch and noticed a package in front of her door. "Flowers!" she gasped, as she read the 1-900-Flowers logo pasted on the side.

“Trent must have sent them from his trip,” she mused. Her husband was away, viewing the flight of some new spacecraft that Mandy could never remember the name of. “How sweet of him to think of me!” She smiled softly.

Mandy quickly unlocked her door and carried the large box inside. She eagerly pulled open the flaps and lifted the large purple vase out onto the counter.

“What an odd choice,” thought Mandy, looking at the bouquet of daisies, puzzled. “Trent knows my favorite flowers are roses, yet he sent just daisies.”

Mandy looked closer at the flowers. Not just any daisies, she realized. No, this was a large bouquet of cosmos bipinnatus.

She then that she noticed a card, tied around the side of the vase. Cautiously, she untied the ribbon and open the card.

"Dear Mandy,

I hope this card finds you well. I regret to write you that Mr. Whittaker has passed away. It was a heart attack, sudden and quietly. We all miss him terribly. As I was helping Jana and Jason sort through his things, I found an envelope with your name on it. Inside, I found money, and a note that simply said, “For a large bouquet of cosmos bipinnatus once Mandy publishes her first piece." Once I looked you up, I saw that you've published many things, and even have a few bestsellers! Congratulations! I know Whit would be proud.

Have a blessed day, Connie Kendall."

Mandy put down the note and looked at the vase again through watery eyes.

She closed her eyes and held a single stem to her chest as the tears flowed freely.

“Thank you, Mr. Whittaker, I sure hope I've made you proud indeed.” She whispered, and sank into a chair.
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~Queen Belle of Altanovia, Knight of Montreal & Order of Aristotle, Benevolent Dictator, Catspaw of the SS, & Dan's couch troll~
~"I’ve always found you to be a good person to disagree with." - Eleventh Doctor~
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Awwwww! That's so sweet!! But oh dear, how old must Mandy be if Whit is dead :O
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If I was an emotional person, this would make me cry. Depressed is the wrong word. It's a sadness thats the right kind of sadness if that makes any sense.

Belle, you do have a gift for writing.
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Very good Belle! I would enjoy more.
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