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I sat in the corner booth at Whit's End, doing homework. I fiddled with my pencil, trying to solve a math problem. The bell over the door rang, a familiar sound, triggering the thought of a customer. I was happy to see it was Jules. Before I could get up and greet her though, "Buck." Her eyes reflected stressful fear, though she spoke harshly. "We have to talk."
"Why what's wrong?" I asked standing up. "Could we maybe go somewhere private? Mr. Whittaker's office maybe?"
"Yeah. Sure." We asked if we could borrow his office and then went up there. Jules locked the door behind us. "So what's wrong?" She sat down at Mr. Whitaker's desk and rested her head in her hands "Oh Buck."
"Jules. What's wrong?"
"I'm pregnant." I felt like I was hit in the head with a sledge hammer, followed by a numb nausea. "What?" I asked staring at her. "I'm pregnant." She said her voice mixing with anger and fierce causality. I slowly sat down on the ground. "You're sure?"
"Yes. I haven't had my cycle for two months and I took a test yesterday."
"Ok. What should we do?"
"I don't know! I haven't figured that out yet. I've hardly have time."
"Well, we have to tell someone."
"Mr. Whittaker."
"Yeah." I agreed but dreaded the eventual confrontation. "Right now."
"Ok." We got Mr. Whittaker and he sat down with us in his office. "Mr. Whittaker." I began, "We messed up."
"Mhm." He nodded. "And- because of that. I'm pregnant." Jules finished. He sat there for a few seconds. "Well? Aren't you gonna say something?" Jules was crying now. I took her hand reassuringly. "What do you want me to say?"
"Reprimand us. Tell us that we're sinners." I said, evidently expecting the same response Jules was.
"Why would I do that? You said yourselves you messed up. You know you've sinned."
"Yeah."
"So I'd say that's the least of your problems. Jules?" He took her other hand in both of his. "Are you making any plans or anything?"
"No."
"Are you considering abortion?" She took a deep breath. "I don't know. I don't think so."
"Ok. If you are ever seriously thinking about it, please come talk to me first."
"Ok." He let go of her hand. "Now go home. Buck, tell Eugene and Katrina. Jules, tell Connie." I wanted to throw up at the thought of telling my foster parents that I had gotten a girl pregnant. I went home though, expecting the worst.

I walked in through the garage door and went into the living room where Katrina was sitting on her computer. "Hey Buck. How was school?"
"Fine." My heart started beating. "Um, can we talk about something?"
"Of course. What about?"
"Um, is Eugene here?"
"Yes."
"Did I hear my name?" Eugene asked coming into the living room. I nodded. "I need to talk to you and Miss Katrina. Or- well- well I need to tell you something."
"Alright."
"Um. Jules- Jules is pregnant." I said staring at the floor. "What?"
"And it's kinda my fault."
"What?!"
"Buck!"
"I- I'm sorry." Katrina stood up and started pacing the floor. "Miss Katrina I-"
"You're fifteen Buck!"
"I know."
"You had sex when you were fifteen?!" I didn't want to believe it, but she was yelling at me. "Yes." I mumbled. "Well was it worth it?!"
"No." I glued my gaze back to the floor. "And you're not gonna make the same mistake again are you?"
"No."
"No what?"
"No ma'am."
"Ok." She stopped walking. "You're grounded Buck. Go to your room." I didn't waste any time getting upstairs. Tears were already swelling up in my eyes and I wanted to let them flow freely. I shut my door and sat on my bed staring out of the window just crying. My phone interrupted the tears. It was Jules. I answered. "Hey." I sniffed. "You told them?"
"Yeah."
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah. Yeah I'm just kinda overwhelmed with everything."
"You don't know the half of it. Were they mad?" I didn't answer. "Buck? Were they mad?"
"Yeah. Miss Katrina yelled at me a bunch."
"I'm sorry."
"It's fine. Did you tell Connie?"
"No. I didn't need to. She found the pregnancy test."
"Well at least you didn't have to tell her."
"I don't know. She was pretty mad."
"Jules, Connie mad is very different from Katrina mad."
"True. Hey. You're sure you're ok?"
"Yeah. You?"
"I- we can talk about that later but I've gotta go. I love you."
"Love you too. Bye." I hung up and lied down on my bed, physically and emotionally exhausted.

I stared at the ceiling for hours thinking and creating pictures in the beaded white plaster above me. Recognizing the strange creatures and other worlds that had been standing over me the whole time. "Buck?" Eugene tapped on my open door as he came in. "Katrina made mashed potatoes and meatloaf." He put a tray of food on my desk. I turned and faced the wall. "She hates me."
"No. She may be a little angry. Disappointed perhaps. But I've known Katrina for fourteen years, and I can't think of a single person she hated in all the time."
"She probably wants me to go away, doesn't she? She told you she didn't want me anymore."
"Of course not."
"Are you angry at me?" I turned back and faced him, but not looking at him. "Angry? No. Disappointed, yes. Very much so." I sat up and Eugene sat down on my bed. "How long am I grounded?"
"I'm uncertain. We weren't quite prepared for this."
"We weren't really prepared for it either. It just sorta- happened."
"When? W-where? I don't understand."
"I snuck out one night and went to Jules' house when Connie was gone."
"Buck." Eugene sighed stressfully running fingers through his chestnut hair. "I'm so sorry." I said at the sudden emotional knife that stabbed me in the chest. Tears formed in my eyes again, though I thought I had none left. A few fell at the realization that Eugene didn't care if I was crying for my unforgivable sin. Katrina unexpectedly entered the bedroom. I quickly wiped away my tears and turned to face the wall again, unsuccessfully trying to stifle my sobs. They only intensified though, and I knew she heard them. "Buck? Can we talk about it?"
"I don't want to." I sniffed. "Ok."
"You hate me."
"No. I don't hate you.
How about you eat? We can have Connie and Jules over tomorrow and talk about it then." I welcomed the thought of waiting to talk and I wanted to see how Jules was. "I'm not hungry." That was only half true. I was hungry, but my appetite had died a long time ago. "Ok. We'll be downstairs if you need anything."
"Ok." I closed my eyes, feeling the wash of cold tears.

"Eugene!" Connie said angrily entering our house. I got up from my place on the couch and rushed to Jules. Her eyes were red. She practically fell into my arms. "You okay?" I asked quietly. "Yeah." She whispered. I let go of her. "Just scared." She said wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. I nodded, understanding her fear. Connie and Eugene were now fervently arguing about who's fault it was. We approached them, ready to stop their childish bickering. "Connie, you can hardly blame ME for my SON'S foolish decisions!" He said eyeing me. "Oh yes I can! If you-"
"Guys!" I interrupted. "It's not either of your faults! It's mine."
"Buck." Jules put her hand on my shoulder. "He's right." Katrina said, sighing. "Let's go sit down and talk about it."
"Alright." Connie agreed, clearly still perturbed. We went into the living room and sat down. "Ok." Katrina began. "Jules. Buck. Do you two agree you made an incautious and sinful decision?" We nodded. "Ok. Connie, would I be correct in assuming that Jules will continue to live with you during her pregnancy?" "Yeah. But- she'll be staying at home for school. And banned from Whit's End." I turned to Jules dumbfounded, to see a tear fall down her cheek. I felt unbearably guilty for having caused her so much pain. She had been nervously looking at and playing with her hands from the time we sat down. "We're still talking about Buck's consequences." My stomach turned as Katrina glanced at me. "So? Can we stay together?" Jules asked absently. It wasn't an unexpected question, though, Connie was the only one who spoke up immediately, "No."
"What?" I was struck with sudden hatred for Connie. That she'd take Jules away from me. The thought was mortifyingly angering. I looked at Katrina, searching for a glimmer of mercy in her eye. I held my breath as she turned to Connie. "Their child needs a father. Jules can't raise it on her own." I let out the breath. "Well that's what she gets for making stupid choices." Connie's voice cracked slightly. I took Jules' soft shaking hand in my own and started stroking the back of it. "Eugene?" I said hopelessly. He hadn't said anything yet. He thought a moment, then, "Connie? Are you genuinely concerned that Buck will hurt Jules?"
"I guess not."
"Do you think they have a fairly healthy relationship- excusing the occasional lack of self restraint?" He asked, taking a jab at me. "I suppose they do."
"So, do you think they could maybe stay together?" She sighed. "Fine." Jules released a sigh relief as she put her head on my shoulder. We had gotten what we wanted. We could stay together. And that's when I made a pledge. To be there for her. Do everything I had to, to help her. And our child. And for the first time since I heard the news, I became hopeful at the thought.

I walked up to J&J's antiques. Old furniture and household items could be seen through the front window. "Hey Jason." I said, entering the large shop. "Oh, hi Buck. Nice suit."
"Thanks."
"You and Jules going on a little romantic outing?"
"Yeah."
"Any special occasion?"
"Well... It's kinda a redemptive date. Like a, 'I'm sorry you're pregnant. Let's try and be more careful in the future. Here's a fancy bracelet to show my everlasting commitment to you and our child.'"
"I see. Hey how are you doing with that?"
"Alright. It's going pretty well right now."
"How's Jules?"
"Stressed mostly. But she said that homeschooling has actually been a blessing. She gets to spend a lot of time by herself, and she said she couldn't imagine having to deal with everything at school."
"Well that's good."
"Yeah."
"So you're looking for a bracelet."
"Yeah."
"Anything specific?"
"I don't know. Something with purple. Jules loves purple."
"Dark purple?"
"Yeah!"
"Ok I think I have something that will work." He came back a moment later, holding a small black box. "Here ya go." I opened it and immediately knew it was perfect. "It's a Victorian Sapphire and Dimond bangle bracelet."
"It's beautiful." I said, looking at the brilliant jewel that rested at the center of the masterpiece. "Yes. But far from cheep."
"That's okay. I'm using as much money as I can and then Miss Katrina said she'd make it even. How much?"
"Three thousand, six hundred, fifty dollars."
"Ok." I sighed, pulled out my wallet and removed four hundred dollars. "Wow! How'd you get that much money?" Jason asked, almost suspiciously. "I've been saving up." I responded, happy I could tell the truth about money for once. "Ok." I handed it to him. "You can just send a bill for the rest."
"Alright. Hey have fun on your date."
"Ok." I smiled. I was looking forward to it. We needed to talk about a lot of things. Work through our relationship and our future. But I was hopeful. Because I knew whatever happened it would be for the better.

I knocked on Connie's door and Jules answered. She was wearing a purple silk dress, silver earrings, a necklace, and black heels. She was truly stunning. "Hey Buck." She smiled. It was so good to see her happy again. "Hey how are you?" I asked taking her hands in mine. "Now that you're here." We kissed gently. "Much better."
"Good. Shall we go?"
"Yes! Where are we going?"
"The Cheesecake Factory."
"But- that's in Connelsville and we have to walk."
"Actually, I thought we'd ride."
"What?"
"Come on." I took her hand and guided her to the front of the house. That's where the surprise was parked. "A limo?! Buck! How did you-"
"I've been saving up..."
"What is this? You don't have to do so much."
"Hey, you're worth it." She smiled. "But I want to do something for you now."
"No. You shouldn't. Jules, it's my fault you're pregnant." She stopped smiling. "No. It's not your fault. It's both our faults. Stop blaming yourself. You don't deserve that."
"Ok." We kissed again, relief washing over me. "Let's go then!" She smiled as the driver opened the door and we got in. "It's so beautiful!" She gasped. I smiled, happy she was pleased. "You're the best boy friend ever you know." She said as I sat down next to her. "Nah, maybe the second best..." She rolled her eyes. "You look incredible by the way." I said. "Thanks. So do you. I've never seen you in a suit before, you look good."
"Eh, don't get used to it. I only wear suits for special occasions."
"Special occasions. And what makes this occasion so special?"
"Well." I took a breath. "I- I got you something." My hands shook as I pulled the white box out of my pocket. I handed it to Jules and she opened it. Tears filled her eyes. "Oh my. Buck. It's gorgeous." She took the bracelet out gently and put it on. "I- I don't know what to say. I love it. Thank you."
"You're welcome. Jules, I want you to know how committed to you I am. And our child. This bracelet is- well a representation of that." She coughed back a sob. "Thank you so much, Buck." I kissed her head as she put it on my shoulder.

School felt empty. It wasn't interesting anymore. It was harder to get through, but the last thing on my mind. I opened my locker and sighed. "Hey Buck!" I turned around, it was Britney. I didn't know her well. "Where's Jules?"
"Sick." I said bluntly, pushing away her innocent question. "Is she alright? She's been gone for almost two weeks."
"It's none of your business."
"I know but people have been talking..."
"About what?!"
"That's she's-"
"She's what?!" I stopped myself, realizing I was talking exactly like Mr. Skint. "I'm sorry. I'm just, under a lot of pressure right now."
"Oh my god. It's true isn't it? She's actually pregnant isn't she?!" I walked away. Not admitting it was true. "Hey Buck! Where's your little wh-" I threw the voice that had spoken against a set of lockers. It was Brad. "My what?!" I asked him. "Hey you wanna go lover boy?" He shouted back at me. Pushing my hands off his collar. Brad was taller than me, but I was stronger. I agreed right then and sent my fist flying into his jaw.

"Hold still."
"You don't have to do this."
"Yes. I do."
"Why?"
"Because it's my fault."
"It's not your fault. I just got angry."
"But it wouldn't have happened if I was there."
"It probably would have been worse."
"I still feel responsible." There was a short silence as Jules cleaned my face, soaking more blood into the washcloth. "Have you gone home yet?" She asked, handing me an ice pack. "No. When does Connie get back?"
"Not till nine. Unless she's going out then ten or eleven. We've got plenty of time."
"For what?" I asked as she sat down across from me. "Enough time to take the bus down to Rachel House and get an ultrasound." I sighed. "Is it expensive?"
"I called the office this morning. It's free."
"Ok. You're not still thinking about abortion are you?"
"No. No I could never live with myself if I did. Connie wouldn't let me anyway."
"Ok."
"This is crazy."
"Yeah."
"I mean- Buck, how are we gonna raise a child? Where will it stay?"
"Well. We could move in together."
"What?! Where?"
"Why not here? This is a lot of space for just two people."
"I guess but- that's just a lot to think about."
"Yeah. Well, we don't really have to make a decision yet."
"Yeah." Jules glanced at the time. "We should go. How's your face?"
"Better. We can leave now." She took a breath, clearly stressed. "Ok."
On the bus I noticed several suspicious eyes glance at my girlfriend. At this point in her pregnancy it didn't take much judging to realize what was up. She didn't look at anyone the whole way there, excusing a couple nervous glances directed at me. She was used to the staring but it had still caused her self confidence to drop significantly. I found myself rightfully angry at the starers and when their eyes locked with mine I told them three things with one stare. 1: Yes. She is my girlfriend. 2: Yes. She is pregnant. 3: If you dare verbally or physically abuse her in any way, I will make sure you regret it. I tried to distract myself. I got out my phone and opened the notes app.
"Boy or girl?" I typed and handed her the phone. "Idk. You?" She typed back. "Boy."
"I like that."
"Names?"
"That depends..."
"On what?"
"How's the adoption process?"
"Slow. I think we have a court date issued for sometime next month. Why?"
"What do you think about the name Oliver?" We decided right then. Oliver if it was a boy. June if it was a girl.

I got in the car, the mix of joyous and shameful thoughts weighing heavily on me. I had made a plan. I wouldn't talk to Eugene on the way home. I didn't care anymore. 'Let him think that I'm a criminal. Go ahead, go punish me all you want! Go send me to another foster home! See if I care!' Eugene got into the driver's seat but he didn't start the car right away like I thought he would, instead he immediately began to drill into me, "What were you thinking?! Don't think you're getting away with this, Buck! You will be punished. Do you understand?" I didn't answer. I didn't look at him. "Buck! Do you understand?" Silence. "Buck!"

"Fine! Yes! I understand! Are you happy?!" I stopped myself from yelling more. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Thank you. I-" Eugene paused, I didn't know it at the time, but after yelling at me, he felt like he didn't deserve to be a father, and therefore gave up. "Let's just get home."

"Okay," I muttered under my breath. He started the car and I watched the yellow lights from houses and cars go by. "Katrina was worried you know."

"I know." At this point, I realized the truth might get me off the hook a little. "It wasn't actually my fault."

"What?"

"Jules convinced me to shoot off the fireworks after I told her about me and my friends doing it."

"How can I believe you?"

"I don't know. You just should. I- never mind."

"No, what were you going to say?"

"I just didn't want her to get in trouble."

"Hm."

"I'm sorry. I bet you never got in trouble when you were a foster child." I groaned, feeling like he was superior to me in even pathetic things like difficult family situations. He laughed. "Of course I did. Buck, I'm not perfect."

"Yes, you are!" I couldn't think of any time he hadn't been.

"I'm certainly not a perfect father."

"Well, it's not like I have much to compare your father skills to. To me, you're a perfect father."

"Better than Mr. Skint then?" Better than Mr. Skint? Yes. Unlike Skint, Eugene wasn't abusive. He wasn't demanding. And he wasn't threatening. As- far as I knew anyway. "Of course you are."

"I guess that doesn't mean much, though."

"Not really." I laughed slightly but stopped at the thought of Katrina's scolding that awaited me. "Was- was she angry?"

"Who?"

"Miss Katrina."

"Well. Perhaps a little. We'll talk about it when we get home."

"What?! But it's one in the morning!"

"Well, we can always sleep in tomorrow, if we're up too late, but I think we should talk about it as soon as possible."

"Okay," I said, mentally kissing the thought of my bed goodbye. We drove a while longer. If I hadn't been so worried about what was going to happen to me at home, I would have tried to get some sleep right there. Instead, I sat there anxiously fiddling with my hands. "Eugene?" I asked, trying to distract myself. "Yes?"

"Did you know your mother?" He didn't speak for a moment, then he simply said, "Yes."

"For how long?"

"Seven years." His voice cracked slightly as if he was crying. "What happened?" Again, it took him a few seconds to respond, "Um. She died in captivity. In Africa."

"Africa?" I didn't expect that. "Yes." I didn't press harder, he clearly didn't want to talk about it. "What happened to your mother, Buck?"

"She left my dad and I when I was two."

"Do you remember her?"

"Not much. I remember she had blue eyes."

"Like yours."

"Yeah. My dad's eyes were brown, so I must have gotten them from her. I know she sang. My dad said she was an alcoholic. One day, she just- never came home."

"Hm. Tell me something, did you ever blame yourself?"

"A lot actually. Later I thought that maybe if I had been a better child or not been born at all, that she might have stuck around. Doesn't make much sense now. And it doesn't matter anyway. They're both gone."

"It still hurts, though."

"Non-stop." Eugene pulled over and stopped the car. "Why'd you stop? Eugene?" I looked up at him. He was still gripping the steering wheel. Just sitting there, looking straight ahead. "What's wrong?"

"I've failed."

"At what?" He sighed. "Buck, after Katrina and I got married, after everything I had been through, losing my parents, being placed in foster care, I vowed I would never let my child experience the same things. And I can't do that for you. And what's more, I can't promise you won't experience the same things all over again. Buck, I am so sorry."

"Eugene, you haven't failed."

"Why not?"

"Well, because you're one of only two people in the world that I feel safe around."

"Thank you, Buck." I saw a hint of a tear in my father's eyes. His eyes. They were blue. Like mine. I smiled. "I think it's gone."

"What is?"

"The hurt." Eugene smiled. "I love you, Buck. Do you believe that?" I thought a moment. "I think I'm starting to."