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 Post subject: HISHE: Odyssey Style
PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2018 6:49 pm 
Cookies & Creme
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Hey, guys, so I listened to the Green Ring Conspiracy, and I thought it would be funny to do a couple How it Should Have Ended segments for it. You can read them below! It'd be fun if you guys came up with some, too!

THE GREEN RING CONSPIRACY, PART 12:
Jason’s not-so-epic moment

Connie: Seriously, don’t I know you?

Jason: Did I hear you say there’s a way out of this car?

Wooton: Sure is, there’s a panel right behind your crate, you’ve just gotta undo those bolts.

Jason: Thanks.

Wooton: You’re welcome.

Jason: (Begins to undo the bolts, grunting as he unscrews them). Oh yeah, Connie?

Connie: Huh?

Jason: Tell Mr. Whittaker the plates can be found at TLC.

Connie: The what at the what?

Jason: (Kicks panel open). Maybe he’ll figure it out. (Climbs through the panel). Oh, and by the way, I suggest the three of you get off if you can, or brace yourselves.

Connie: What about you?

Jason: I’ve gotta do whatever it takes to stop this train.

Connie: How are you gonna do that?

Jason: I’ll figure that out once I get to the engine.

Wooton: You know, I’ve always found that running along the top of a train gives me inspiration.

Jason: Good, then that’s what I’ll do. See ya.

Penny: Who was that masked man?



ENGINE ROOM:

Fred: Okay pal, now accordin’ to this, spur number #47 is thirty-six miles past the junkyard. We’ll uncouple the first freight car there, and the engine will take it away.

Barney: I hate these complicated trips. We’ve got six cars back there to deal with.

Fred: Hey, wait. Look! There’s someone running across the top of the train!

Barney: What do we do?

Fred: Nothing. He just fell off.

Barney: Okay, well, I’m going to make some more coffee.


THE GREEN RING CONSPIRACY, PART 12:

TLC fail

TRAIN WRECKAGE:

Connie: I’ll tell you everything later, but I saw him! He was on the train!

Whit: Who was?

Connie: Jason!

Whit: My Jason?

Monty: Uncle Jason?

Connie: Oh, hi Monty! Are you okay? Anyway, he had a beard, and sunglasses, and he was in a crate, and-

Whit: In a crate?

Connie: Yeah, and he gave me a message for you: TLC.

Whit: Tender loving care?

Monty: Awww, how sweet. But what was Uncle Jason doing here?

Connie: No, he wasn’t being sweet! He said it had something to do with some plates, and that you would figure it out.

Whit: Plates… what kind of plates?

Monty: I know. The engraving plates. The ones used to make the counterfeit money.

Connie: Are they important?

Monty: Unless we find and destroy those, anybody could print that money again. The whole Green Ring could start over.

Connie: Weird that he’d show up again, just to deliver that message! And in a crate!
Whit: Where is he now?

Connie: I don’t know, he just disappeared!

Monty: We have to figure out what he meant by TLC, or this case isn’t closed.


TRICKLE LAKE:

Whit: “TL” for Trickle Lake. “C” for Dock C. Right where you started, Monty.

Detective Polehaus: They hid the plates in the boathouse?

Whit: No, not at all. What better way to protect and hide heavy engraving plates than to put them in some kind of case?

Monty: Then enclose that case in concrete.

Whit: And drop it off the dock into Trickle Lake.

Monty: You see that chain wrapped around the post at the end?

Detective Polehaus: Well, that’s pretty impressive.

Whit: Yeah, well, we’re gonna need a truck to pull it up.

Detective Polehaus: Are they really that heavy? (Tugs chain). Wait- it’s coming up. (Light splash is heard as chain pulls out of the water).

Monty: Fish?

Detective Polehaus: A chain of fish. Gentlemen, we’re on the wrong track.


(MEANWHILE, AT TENDER LOVING CARE)

Dr. Trask: Well, Skint, these engraving plates are in good shape, well done.

Skint: Thank you, sir. I don’t think anyone would have suspected these hiding in the basement of TLC Funeral Services. Should be safe and sound.

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 Post subject: Re: HISHE: Odyssey Style
PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2018 7:43 pm 
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These are super funny nice job.

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 Post subject: Re: HISHE: Odyssey Style
PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2018 8:28 pm 
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HAHA1 These are the best! I love them!

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"Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't want to live there."-Adam Young

"If life is pain then I buried mine." -NF

"Please don't ask me how I've been
Don't make me play pretend
Oh what's the use
Please, I bet everybody here is fake happy too" -Paramore


"Every day, I worry all day
About what's waiting in the bushes of love." -Obi-Wan Kenobi


"Oh Mrs. Potato Head tell me,
Is it true that pain is beauty?" -Melanie Martinez


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 Post subject: Re: HISHE: Odyssey Style
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2018 11:01 am 
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That's great! Haha so clever!

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"Let me get this straight. I bet all those non-friends of yours try to embarrass you about your love for that stuff, right? So, you almost feel like you have to hide your treasures away and can only take them out in secret on rainy days when your mom goes to the store to get more liver and nobody is around to berate your sensitive spirit. Is that what you’re saying?" -Jay Smouse


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 Post subject: Re: HISHE: Odyssey Style
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2018 4:34 pm 
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First off, :lol: !
Second, You don't mind me hijacking your thread, do you? Of course you don't! Does a penguin hate to tango?
Suzu: Perhaps it is in his pocket now . . . ?

Principal Vogler: Would you empty your pockets, please, Dion?

Dion: What if I said no?

Principal Vogler: What if I said I'd call your parents?

Dion: Oh, yeah, okay, fine! Here, I have a key, but I'm bein' framed! Somebody put this key in my locker yesterday attached to a smiley face sticker!

Principal Vogler: Yeah, sure. And you magically knew what it was for.

Dion: Not really, I mean I tried it out, a lot, on a lot of stuff, you know, before the lockers. Just out of curiosity, of course.

Principal Vogler: Mm-hm. Dion, did you take anything out of the lockers?

Dion: Umm . . . no?

Suzu: Not true. I saw him take things from several lockers before I left.

Dion: Wow, not nice!

Principal Vogler: Come along, Dion. I'd like to check your locker. You too, Suzu.

Emily: . . . Wait, Principal Vogler?

Principal Vogler: Oh, Emily. You and Matthew can come as well if you'd like.

Emily: Actually, I need to say something. Please?

Principal Vogler: Alright, then. Suzu?

Suzu: . . . Okay.

Dion: Look, I admit I took stuff from the lockers last night, so this isn't about me any more, is —

Principal Vogler: Be quiet again, Dion.

Dion: Being quiet again.

Emily: There's another piece to this puzzle left unsettled. Do you remember what I told you yesterday morning, Matthew?

Matthew: You said that the mischief maker wanted us to catch him.

Emily: Right.

Principal Vogler: Why would he want that?

Emily: Maybe he's testing us, trying to see if he can get away with something even bigger in the future. If we weren't able to find him this time, it would open the door for him.

Matthew: You can stop squirming, Dion. You're not the culprit.

Dion: I'm not?

Suzu: Excuse me? I thought I told you that—

Principal Vogler: Hold on, Suzu. Go on, Emily.

Emily: Matthew, show Principal Vogler the piece to the puzzle.

Matthew: . . . Here.

Principal Vogler: A paper. . . .With a haiku on it?

Suzu: Where did you get this?

Emily: That's what we need to ask you. The haiku tells us where to find the window through which the locker-unlocker was entering. If you wrote this, that means you were lying when you said you found the window yesterday after lunch. You would have known about it beforehand.

Matthew: But we know you didn't do it. You wouldn't have had a reason to make another master key, since you didn't know we were following you in the first place.

Suzu: Thank you for trusting me.

Principal Vogler: Then why couldn't Dion have done it?

Emily: The same reasoning: why would he have opened the lockers two nights in a row but waited until the third to steal from them?

Matthew: Dion, what's your last name?

Dion: Uh . . . Farkus.

Matthew: Spell it.

Dion: What, spell my last name? You think I'm dumb or something?

Matthew: Nothing personal.

Dion: Okay . . . Uh, "F" . . . "A" . . . "E"—

Matthew: There you go.

Emily: Principal Vogler, what are Dion's grades here at school?

Principal Vogler: I can't say, but I will say that he's been in detention multiple times because of them.

Emily: And Suzu, could you tell us yours?

Suzu: Straight A's; correct, Principal Vogler?

Principal Vogler: Yes, that's correct.

Dion: What's your point, Emily, besides making me look like a moron?

Matthew: Her point is that she's trying to prove you innocent.

Dion: Oh. Well . . . thanks.

Principal Vogler: How does that prove him innocent?

Emily: One: Dion couldn't have come up with the haiku. It's too complicated for him.

Matthew: And two: he wouldn't have a reason to want us to try and catch him because he'd be too scared that he would be caught.

Emily: Besides, how could he think that far ahead?

Principal Vogler: You two are making some good points, but you're still speculating. Who was really behind this?

Suzu: I believe I know.

Principal Vogler: You do?

Emily: You do?

Matthew: Really?

Suzu: Yes. I have been thinking: there seems to be a number of puppet strings here, strings left dangling. A great deal can be learned from examining a person’s possessions, but what could be done with such knowledge?

Emily: What indeed!

Matthew: If the mischief maker wanted us to catch him, he could have given us a red herring to keep us off the trail. Or, he could have framed somebody else.

Suzu: Like Dion.

Dion: See? I told you that I—

Principal Vogler: Hold on, Dion.

Dion: Holding on.

Matthew: Not only Dion. He framed you, Suzu.

Suzu: Me?

Principal Vogler: How did he frame her?

Emily: The haiku! It was Japanese, and we thought it was from her! Not only that, but it led us to the window just as you were looking for it!

Suzu: Wow.

Matthew: It gets deeper. How did we end up suspecting you, Suzu?

Suzu: From the haiku, and the window, and the hardware store.

Matthew: There's one more way: the security camera.

Emily: The camera that Mr. Redekop set up after the first two nights, when nothing was stolen. Wouldn't it be convenient for the culprit to suggest the camera to clear his own name and to frame two people at once?

Suzu: I can't believe this.

Dion: I lost track a few minutes ago.

Principal Vogler: Emily, just tell us. Who is the culprit?

Matthew: She's almost there, Principal Vogler. Just one more question.

Principal Vogler: And that is?

Matthew: You said it yourself, Suzu: "What could be done with such knowledge?"

Suzu: And I'm not sure. That's just my theory.

Dion: A GAME THEORY!

Principal Vogler: Dion . . .

Dion: Being quiet.

Matthew: We don't know the answer either. But maybe Dion does.

Emily: That's right.

Dion: W-why would I know it?

(over top of each other)

Suzu: He's not guilty any more.

Principal Vogler: Emily, who is it?

Emily: Someone you'd least suspect.

Matthew: But he knows why, don't you, Dion?

Dion: Can we take a time-out for a second?

Principal Vogler: (shouts) Hold it! (beat) Who is it, Emily?

Emily: Morrie Rydell.


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 Post subject: Re: HISHE: Odyssey Style
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2018 12:43 am 
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Scientific Guy wrote:
First off, :lol: !
Second, You don't mind me hijacking your thread, do you? Of course you don't! Does a penguin hate to tango?
Suzu: Perhaps it is in his pocket now . . . ?

Principal Vogler: Would you empty your pockets, please, Dion?

Dion: What if I said no?

Principal Vogler: What if I said I'd call your parents?

Dion: Oh, yeah, okay, fine! Here, I have a key, but I'm bein' framed! Somebody put this key in my locker yesterday attached to a smiley face sticker!

Principal Vogler: Yeah, sure. And you magically knew what it was for.

Dion: Not really, I mean I tried it out, a lot, on a lot of stuff, you know, before the lockers. Just out of curiosity, of course.

Principal Vogler: Mm-hm. Dion, did you take anything out of the lockers?

Dion: Umm . . . no?

Suzu: Not true. I saw him take things from several lockers before I left.

Dion: Wow, not nice!

Principal Vogler: Come along, Dion. I'd like to check your locker. You too, Suzu.

Emily: . . . Wait, Principal Vogler?

Principal Vogler: Oh, Emily. You and Matthew can come as well if you'd like.

Emily: Actually, I need to say something. Please?

Principal Vogler: Alright, then. Suzu?

Suzu: . . . Okay.

Dion: Look, I admit I took stuff from the lockers last night, so this isn't about me any more, is —

Principal Vogler: Be quiet again, Dion.

Dion: Being quiet again.

Emily: There's another piece to this puzzle left unsettled. Do you remember what I told you yesterday morning, Matthew?

Matthew: You said that the mischief maker wanted us to catch him.

Emily: Right.

Principal Vogler: Why would he want that?

Emily: Maybe he's testing us, trying to see if he can get away with something even bigger in the future. If we weren't able to find him this time, it would open the door for him.

Matthew: You can stop squirming, Dion. You're not the culprit.

Dion: I'm not?

Suzu: Excuse me? I thought I told you that—

Principal Vogler: Hold on, Suzu. Go on, Emily.

Emily: Matthew, show Principal Vogler the piece to the puzzle.

Matthew: . . . Here.

Principal Vogler: A paper. . . .With a haiku on it?

Suzu: Where did you get this?

Emily: That's what we need to ask you. The haiku tells us where to find the window through which the locker-unlocker was entering. If you wrote this, that means you were lying when you said you found the window yesterday after lunch. You would have known about it beforehand.

Matthew: But we know you didn't do it. You wouldn't have had a reason to make another master key, since you didn't know we were following you in the first place.

Suzu: Thank you for trusting me.

Principal Vogler: Then why couldn't Dion have done it?

Emily: The same reasoning: why would he have opened the lockers two nights in a row but waited until the third to steal from them?

Matthew: Dion, what's your last name?

Dion: Uh . . . Farkus.

Matthew: Spell it.

Dion: What, spell my last name? You think I'm dumb or something?

Matthew: Nothing personal.

Dion: Okay . . . Uh, "F" . . . "A" . . . "E"—

Matthew: There you go.

Emily: Principal Vogler, what are Dion's grades here at school?

Principal Vogler: I can't say, but I will say that he's been in detention multiple times because of them.

Emily: And Suzu, could you tell us yours?

Suzu: Straight A's; correct, Principal Vogler?

Principal Vogler: Yes, that's correct.

Dion: What's your point, Emily, besides making me look like a moron?

Matthew: Her point is that she's trying to prove you innocent.

Dion: Oh. Well . . . thanks.

Principal Vogler: How does that prove him innocent?

Emily: One: Dion couldn't have come up with the haiku. It's too complicated for him.

Matthew: And two: he wouldn't have a reason to want us to try and catch him because he'd be too scared that he would be caught.

Emily: Besides, how could he think that far ahead?

Principal Vogler: You two are making some good points, but you're still speculating. Who was really behind this?

Suzu: I believe I know.

Principal Vogler: You do?

Emily: You do?

Matthew: Really?

Suzu: Yes. I have been thinking: there seems to be a number of puppet strings here, strings left dangling. A great deal can be learned from examining a person’s possessions, but what could be done with such knowledge?

Emily: What indeed!

Matthew: If the mischief maker wanted us to catch him, he could have given us a red herring to keep us off the trail. Or, he could have framed somebody else.

Suzu: Like Dion.

Dion: See? I told you that I—

Principal Vogler: Hold on, Dion.

Dion: Holding on.

Matthew: Not only Dion. He framed you, Suzu.

Suzu: Me?

Principal Vogler: How did he frame her?

Emily: The haiku! It was Japanese, and we thought it was from her! Not only that, but it led us to the window just as you were looking for it!

Suzu: Wow.

Matthew: It gets deeper. How did we end up suspecting you, Suzu?

Suzu: From the haiku, and the window, and the hardware store.

Matthew: There's one more way: the security camera.

Emily: The camera that Mr. Redekop set up after the first two nights, when nothing was stolen. Wouldn't it be convenient for the culprit to suggest the camera to clear his own name and to frame two people at once?

Suzu: I can't believe this.

Dion: I lost track a few minutes ago.

Principal Vogler: Emily, just tell us. Who is the culprit?

Matthew: She's almost there, Principal Vogler. Just one more question.

Principal Vogler: And that is?

Matthew: You said it yourself, Suzu: "What could be done with such knowledge?"

Suzu: And I'm not sure. That's just my theory.

Dion: A GAME THEORY!

Principal Vogler: Dion . . .

Dion: Being quiet.

Matthew: We don't know the answer either. But maybe Dion does.

Emily: That's right.

Dion: W-why would I know it?

(over top of each other)

Suzu: He's not guilty any more.

Principal Vogler: Emily, who is it?

Emily: Someone you'd least suspect.

Matthew: But he knows why, don't you, Dion?

Dion: Can we take a time-out for a second?

Principal Vogler: (shouts) Hold it! (beat) Who is it, Emily?

Emily: Morrie Rydell.


BAHAHAHA I LOVE IT!

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 Post subject: Re: HISHE: Odyssey Style
PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2018 9:11 pm 
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Kungfunaomi wrote:
Hey, guys, so I listened to the Green Ring Conspiracy, and I thought it would be funny to do a couple How it Should Have Ended segments for it. You can read them below! It'd be fun if you guys came up with some, too!

THE GREEN RING CONSPIRACY, PART 12:
Jason’s not-so-epic moment

Connie: Seriously, don’t I know you?

Jason: Did I hear you say there’s a way out of this car?

Wooton: Sure is, there’s a panel right behind your crate, you’ve just gotta undo those bolts.

Jason: Thanks.

Wooton: You’re welcome.

Jason: (Begins to undo the bolts, grunting as he unscrews them). Oh yeah, Connie?

Connie: Huh?

Jason: Tell Mr. Whittaker the plates can be found at TLC.

Connie: The what at the what?

Jason: (Kicks panel open). Maybe he’ll figure it out. (Climbs through the panel). Oh, and by the way, I suggest the three of you get off if you can, or brace yourselves.

Connie: What about you?

Jason: I’ve gotta do whatever it takes to stop this train.

Connie: How are you gonna do that?

Jason: I’ll figure that out once I get to the engine.

Wooton: You know, I’ve always found that running along the top of a train gives me inspiration.

Jason: Good, then that’s what I’ll do. See ya.

Penny: Who was that masked man?



ENGINE ROOM:

Fred: Okay pal, now accordin’ to this, spur number #47 is thirty-six miles past the junkyard. We’ll uncouple the first freight car there, and the engine will take it away.

Barney: I hate these complicated trips. We’ve got six cars back there to deal with.

Fred: Hey, wait. Look! There’s someone running across the top of the train!

Barney: What do we do?

Fred: Nothing. He just fell off.

Barney: Okay, well, I’m going to make some more coffee.


THE GREEN RING CONSPIRACY, PART 12:

TLC fail

TRAIN WRECKAGE:

Connie: I’ll tell you everything later, but I saw him! He was on the train!

Whit: Who was?

Connie: Jason!

Whit: My Jason?

Monty: Uncle Jason?

Connie: Oh, hi Monty! Are you okay? Anyway, he had a beard, and sunglasses, and he was in a crate, and-

Whit: In a crate?

Connie: Yeah, and he gave me a message for you: TLC.

Whit: Tender loving care?

Monty: Awww, how sweet. But what was Uncle Jason doing here?

Connie: No, he wasn’t being sweet! He said it had something to do with some plates, and that you would figure it out.

Whit: Plates… what kind of plates?

Monty: I know. The engraving plates. The ones used to make the counterfeit money.

Connie: Are they important?

Monty: Unless we find and destroy those, anybody could print that money again. The whole Green Ring could start over.

Connie: Weird that he’d show up again, just to deliver that message! And in a crate!
Whit: Where is he now?

Connie: I don’t know, he just disappeared!

Monty: We have to figure out what he meant by TLC, or this case isn’t closed.


TRICKLE LAKE:

Whit: “TL” for Trickle Lake. “C” for Dock C. Right where you started, Monty.

Detective Polehaus: They hid the plates in the boathouse?

Whit: No, not at all. What better way to protect and hide heavy engraving plates than to put them in some kind of case?

Monty: Then enclose that case in concrete.

Whit: And drop it off the dock into Trickle Lake.

Monty: You see that chain wrapped around the post at the end?

Detective Polehaus: Well, that’s pretty impressive.

Whit: Yeah, well, we’re gonna need a truck to pull it up.

Detective Polehaus: Are they really that heavy? (Tugs chain). Wait- it’s coming up. (Light splash is heard as chain pulls out of the water).

Monty: Fish?

Detective Polehaus: A chain of fish. Gentlemen, we’re on the wrong track.


(MEANWHILE, AT TENDER LOVING CARE)

Dr. Trask: Well, Skint, these engraving plates are in good shape, well done.

Skint: Thank you, sir. I don’t think anyone would have suspected these hiding in the basement of TLC Funeral Services. Should be safe and sound.

I didn't know how much I wanted this until now.

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 Post subject: Re: HISHE: Odyssey Style
PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2018 11:26 pm 
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I don't know where this one came from. Some strange part of my brain.

Breaking Point:

Chris: Hi, this is Chris! Welcome to Adventures in Odyssey!

(AIO THEME PLAYS).

(Introductory scene theme).

(WHIT’S END).

Nick: (Walking) Hey, Mr. Whittaker! D’you think we could talk about the work schedule now?

Whit: No.

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 Post subject: Re: HISHE: Odyssey Style
PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2018 10:46 am 
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Kungfunaomi wrote:
I don't know where this one came from. Some strange part of my brain.

Breaking Point:

Chris: Hi, this is Chris! Welcome to Adventures in Odyssey!

(AIO THEME PLAYS).

(Introductory scene theme).

(WHIT’S END).

Nick: (Walking) Hey, Mr. Whittaker! D’you think we could talk about the work schedule now?

Whit: No.


:clap: :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: HISHE: Odyssey Style
PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2018 7:27 pm 
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PART 1 of the not-so-epic ending of the Novacom Saga! I take no responsibility for what comes out of my demented self! This is less of a HISHE and more of a parody.

EXIT:

(Shack outside Novacom’s tower)

Whit: (Breaks the lock off the door. Drops it.) Are you coming in?

Tom: I’m an old jailbird! They can’t do anything to me!

Whit: (Opens door) Oh, my!

Tom: (Whistles) You’d never know it from the outside, would you? Just look at all the cans of Spam!

Whit: This must be the launch site.

Tom: Really?

Whit: There’s a microwave there- uh-oh. Tom, there’s a timer counting down! We’ve got nineteen minutes to turn this thing off!

(Beat)

Tom: Nineteen minutes? That’s awfully convenient. Why not three seconds?

Whit: I’d better call Jason. We have to turn it off before this microwave inexplicably takes over the world and burns the Spam at the same time. (Beeps). Aw, I’m not getting a signal on my cell phone. I’ll have to go outside.

Tom: Well, there’s a phone right here.

Whit: I’d better not use that until I know it’s secure.

(Phone falls off the wall).
Whit: See? It wasn’t secure. I’ll be outside.

(Whit walks outside, dialing Jason).

Jason: Hello?

Whit: Jason, it’s me. I found the microwave.

Jason: Great! We needed a new one for the guest house-

Whit: We have nineteen minutes to turn it off.

Jason: Oh, boy. Are you sure it’s not eighteen or seventeen by now because-

Whit: It’s still nineteen. It will remain nineteen until we decide that we need more suspense.

Jason: Bourland’s sending some of his technicians your way. They’re specially trained in the art of microwaves.

Whit: They won’t make it in time.

Jason: Why? You made it there in like, five minutes.

Whit: Because I said so. We have to make this dramatic.

Jason: Well, then you’re just gonna have to try and turn it off yourself! I’ll walk you through some steps.

Whit: I think I can handle this, Jason. I’m a trained NSA agent, who’s invented government security programs-

Jason: But we need drama. Just pretend you don’t know anything about technology. Besides, I’ve found a plan here that might dismantle it!

Whit: How timely!

Jason: Is there a keyboard?

Whit: Yes, strangely enough!

Jason: Great. First, type in the word “Triumphant”.

Whit: … just type it into the keyboard? No programs?

Jason: That’s too complicated, we didn’t do our research.

Whit: All right, but you’ll have to hold on, the cell phone signal won’t work inside.

Jason: Oh, good, more drama.

Whit: Well, there’s a phone in there, but it wasn’t secure.

Jason: Well, you’ll have to use it anyway. Call me back from that phone.

Whit: All right. (Walks inside). Okay, Tom, Jason’s going-

Tom: You were yelling at Jason right outside the door, I heard you.

(Phone Rings).

Whit: Oh, it still works! That’s strange… maybe Jason found the number?

Tom: We’ll just add it to the list of inexplicable conveniences.

Whit: (Picks up phone) Jason?

Mr. Charles: That’s dumb. Why would you think it was Jason?

Whit: Who is this? Mr. Charles?

Mr. Charles: I have a job for you.

Whit: I’m a little busy right now.

Mr. Charles: I have-

Whit: Did you see what I did there?

Mr. Charles: ...what?

Whit: I said I’m a little busy right now because I’m in your hideout.

Mr. Charles: … listen to me.

Whit: And what if I don’t?

Mr. Charles: I.. I haven’t even said what I want you to do.

Whit: But I’m feeling snarky.

Mr. Charles: Okay, well I have Connie, now will you listen?

Connie: I sound frantic even though I tell Whit not to worry!

Mr. Charles: She is such a pain in the neck, I don’t know how you’ve worked with her so long!

Whit: What do you want?

Mr. Charles: I want to go to Disneyland.

Whit: Really?

Mr. Charles: No. But you asked an obvious question, so I had to make fun of you. I want you to leave Forrest Mountain and come collect her immediately by yourself.

Whit: Okay-

Mr. Charles: No police, no FBI.

Whit: I know what ‘By yourself’ means.

Mr. Charles: I never can tell with you.

Whit: What if I don't?

Mr. Charles: That’s a really, really, really dumb question. What is your problem today?

Whit: You’re supposed to say something suspenseful, tho.

Mr. Charles: Uh, okay. I’m desperate and I have nothing to lose.

Whit: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. What do you want me to do?

Mr. Charles: WHY ALL THE STUPID QUESTIONS!? Do I have to walk you through this!? Get in your car! I’ll call you back on your cell phone in thirty seconds in case you can’t find it!

Whit: (Hangs up) Tom, I have to go, and you’ve got to say here because it adds drama! Oh, and don’t tell anyone about Connie!

Tom: Because it adds more drama!

Whit: Right!

(beat)

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 Post subject: Re: HISHE: Odyssey Style
PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2018 9:23 pm 
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Kungfunaomi wrote:
PART 1 of the not-so-epic ending of the Novacom Saga! I take no responsibility for what comes out of my demented self! This is less of a HISHE and more of a parody.

EXIT:

(Shack outside Novacom’s tower)

Whit: (Breaks the lock off the door. Drops it.) Are you coming in?

Tom: I’m an old jailbird! They can’t do anything to me!

Whit: (Opens door) Oh, my!

Tom: (Whistles) You’d never know it from the outside, would you? Just look at all the cans of Spam!

Whit: This must be the launch site.

Tom: Really?

Whit: There’s a microwave there- uh-oh. Tom, there’s a timer counting down! We’ve got nineteen minutes to turn this thing off!

(Beat)

Tom: Nineteen minutes? That’s awfully convenient. Why not three seconds?

Whit: I’d better call Jason. We have to turn it off before this microwave inexplicably takes over the world and burns the Spam at the same time. (Beeps). Aw, I’m not getting a signal on my cell phone. I’ll have to go outside.

Tom: Well, there’s a phone right here.

Whit: I’d better not use that until I know it’s secure.

(Phone falls off the wall).
Whit: See? It wasn’t secure. I’ll be outside.

(Whit walks outside, dialing Jason).

Jason: Hello?

Whit: Jason, it’s me. I found the microwave.

Jason: Great! We needed a new one for the guest house-

Whit: We have nineteen minutes to turn it off.

Jason: Oh, boy. Are you sure it’s not eighteen or seventeen by now because-

Whit: It’s still nineteen. It will remain nineteen until we decide that we need more suspense.

Jason: Bourland’s sending some of his technicians your way. They’re specially trained in the art of microwaves.

Whit: They won’t make it in time.

Jason: Why? You made it there in like, five minutes.

Whit: Because I said so. We have to make this dramatic.

Jason: Well, then you’re just gonna have to try and turn it off yourself! I’ll walk you through some steps.

Whit: I think I can handle this, Jason. I’m a trained NSA agent, who’s invented government security programs-

Jason: But we need drama. Just pretend you don’t know anything about technology. Besides, I’ve found a plan here that might dismantle it!

Whit: How timely!

Jason: Is there a keyboard?

Whit: Yes, strangely enough!

Jason: Great. First, type in the word “Triumphant”.

Whit: … just type it into the keyboard? No programs?

Jason: That’s too complicated, we didn’t do our research.

Whit: All right, but you’ll have to hold on, the cell phone signal won’t work inside.

Jason: Oh, good, more drama.

Whit: Well, there’s a phone in there, but it wasn’t secure.

Jason: Well, you’ll have to use it anyway. Call me back from that phone.

Whit: All right. (Walks inside). Okay, Tom, Jason’s going-

Tom: You were yelling at Jason right outside the door, I heard you.

(Phone Rings).

Whit: Oh, it still works! That’s strange… maybe Jason found the number?

Tom: We’ll just add it to the list of inexplicable conveniences.

Whit: (Picks up phone) Jason?

Mr. Charles: That’s dumb. Why would you think it was Jason?

Whit: Who is this? Mr. Charles?

Mr. Charles: I have a job for you.

Whit: I’m a little busy right now.

Mr. Charles: I have-

Whit: Did you see what I did there?

Mr. Charles: ...what?

Whit: I said I’m a little busy right now because I’m in your hideout.

Mr. Charles: … listen to me.

Whit: And what if I don’t?

Mr. Charles: I.. I haven’t even said what I want you to do.

Whit: But I’m feeling snarky.

Mr. Charles: Okay, well I have Connie, now will you listen?

Connie: I sound frantic even though I tell Whit not to worry!

Mr. Charles: She is such a pain in the neck, I don’t know how you’ve worked with her so long!

Whit: What do you want?

Mr. Charles: I want to go to Disneyland.

Whit: Really?

Mr. Charles: No. But you asked an obvious question, so I had to make fun of you. I want you to leave Forrest Mountain and come collect her immediately by yourself.

Whit: Okay-

Mr. Charles: No police, no FBI.

Whit: I know what ‘By yourself’ means.

Mr. Charles: I never can tell with you.

Whit: What if I don't?

Mr. Charles: That’s a really, really, really dumb question. What is your problem today?

Whit: You’re supposed to say something suspenseful, tho.

Mr. Charles: Uh, okay. I’m desperate and I have nothing to lose.

Whit: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. What do you want me to do?

Mr. Charles: WHY ALL THE STUPID QUESTIONS!? Do I have to walk you through this!? Get in your car! I’ll call you back on your cell phone in thirty seconds in case you can’t find it!

Whit: (Hangs up) Tom, I have to go, and you’ve got to say here because it adds drama! Oh, and don’t tell anyone about Connie!

Tom: Because it adds more drama!

Whit: Right!

(beat)

Literal LOL
GAHAHA!! Oh, man, this had my mom and I laughing quite hard!


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 Post subject: Re: HISHE: Odyssey Style
PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2018 11:44 pm 
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All right, here's part 2.

(beat)

Tom: Okay, Jason. I’m at the keyboard. Now what do I do?

Jason: How much time do we have?

Tom: Five minutes.

Jason: WHAT!? We had nineteen just before the beat!

Tom: Well, this is supposed to be a “real time” episode, and there were an awful lot of commercials.

Jason: Aaaaaauugh! So am I just skipping to the end?

Tom: Sure.

Jason: Well, we have to make it as last-minute as possible to I’m not skipping until I have to. Type the word “Triumphant”.

Tom: … isn’t that a little counter-intuitive? I mean, if we’re dismantling the machine, shouldn’t their password be “Defeat”?

Jason: It’s reverse psychology.

Tom: For who?

Jason: I dunno.

Tom: Does that make it psycho-cology?

Jason: Just type it in.

Tom: Okay. Um, is that with an -ent or an -int?

Jason: TOM! It’s -ant!

Tom: Well, I’m a country boy who is unedummacated. We play this for laughs.

Jason: No one is laughing, though.

Tom: We do this for drama, then! I’ve typed it in.

Jason: Good. Now, press ‘enter’.

Tom: Even though, for all we know it’s still on the home screen or somethin’.

Jason: Just press it, Tom!

Tom (presses it). It did something. Part of the wall is slidin’ back! It’s another room!

Jason: What’s in it!?

Tom: It’s a boatload of drama!

(Beat).

Jason: A boatload of drama!? What does it look like?

Tom: It’s actually the Imagination Station, but it might as well be a boatload of drama. I’m in front of it. What do I do now?

Jason: Well, if they’re using it as part of the uplink, then turning it off might-

Tom: It’s not going to work. It’s a boatload of drama, remember?

Jason: Oh, yeah. So… I’m gonna make you reprogram it since we still have like, thirty seconds.

Tom: That’s cutting it awful close…

Jason: Yeah, well,

Both: drama.

Tom: I know.

(Beat)

WHIT’S END:

Nick: What d’ you think is going on?

Mitch: I dunno, but I bet Charles has her in there.

Nick: Whoa.

Mitch: Is there any way inside that’s not monitored by cameras?

Nick: Awesome tunnel. Follow me.

Mitch: I have an awesome plan.

Nick: Awesome.

(Beat)

Jason: Ya know what, let’s just melt this thing down.

Tom: Sure.

Jason: Wait, there’s a beat coming up! How come they won’t let us melt this thing until the absolute last minute!?

(Beat)

WHIT’S END:

Mr. Charles: Ugh. How can you possibly be this noisy with a gag on!? Oh, look, your friend is back. Nick. He just ran into the door. I think it is a diversion. I guess I should fall for it. Don’t move. I would say I’ll be right back but we all know that I won’t. (Exits)

Mitch: (Enters) Connie!

Connie: You rescued me!

Mitch: No duh. Let’s get these ropes off.

Connie: Hey, did you get a haircut?

Mitch: No, I just styled it differently. The special kind that kills bad guys when I toss my head like a macho man!

Connie: It looks awesome! Look, here comes Charles, let’s try it!

Mitch: No, let’s just go. This hair style like, cures cancer and stuff. By the way, you look great!

Connie: Flirt, flirt, flirt.

Mitch: Flirt, flirt, flirt.

Connie: Saves time.

Mitch: Now we can go.

(Beat)

Tom: Okay, Jason, we definitely should be dead by now. This has been dragging on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on,

Jason: I know, I know! This is where I say that we need dad!

Tom: He seems to be the only one that can teleport places! He said that Bourland’s agents wouldn’t get here in time, and yet he makes it to town within five minutes! I bet if we wait he’ll come back in time.

Jason: We can’t wait. Technically, our time has already run out.

Tom: Then why are we still here?

Jason: Magical plot holes.

Tom: Do we stall some more?

Jason: NO. Oh, look, Dad’s calling! I’ll patch you in!

Whit: My teleportation device is broken.

Jason: Crikey!

Tom: You can’t say that, Jason, this is a kid’s show.

Jason: Fine. Sloop wipple!

Whit: Tom, go to the keypad inside the Imagination Station. Type in “Applesauce”.

Jason: THAT’S IT!? Flip floppedy doo! Why didn’t you tell us that in the first place!?

Whit: Drama.

Jason: UUUUUUUGH.

Whit: Also, Tom, you have to clear the area because I rigged explosives inside it for a dramatic self-destruction.

Jason: Explosives are good.

Tom: We have to waste time asking if you’re sure, though.

Whit: Type. Now.

Jason: LUPPY LOO! There’s another beat coming! NOOOOOOO! WHY CAN’T WE JUST GET THIS OVER WITH!?

(Beat)

Richard Maxwell: Mr. Chairman? You can monitor the uplink on this computer, here.

Chairman: Why does this say Richard Maxwell?

Richard: Excuse me? I’m just a generic henchman. And technically, you’re a generic Chairman.

Chairman: You’re not supposed to be here, you- you stinker! We couldn’t get your actor to be AREM but you’re here playing a generic henchman!?

Richard: Tell me about it.

(Beat)

Tom: Despite the loud alarms and buzzing sounds behind me, I’m going to say: Nothing’s happening, Whit!

Whit: Push the red button!

Jason: Yay! And now a five minute long flashback sequence! Don’t you love those?

Tom: Plenty of time for me to get away, though.

Jason: NOOO ANOTHER BEAT. I REFUSE. I REFUSE.

(Beat)

Chairman: Despite never coming back, I am going to make threats of vengeance.

Richard: Well, you have other stuff to deal with, Mr. Smith.

Chairman: I guess I’ll have to terrorize some other part of The Matrix.

(Beat)

Whit: (Shuts car door) Tom, are you okay?

Tom: Oh, so now you teleport?

Whit: Yeah. Very convenient.

Jason: I’m here, too! The rest of the episode is just wrap-up, pretty much, so now what?

Tom: Well, all that Spam cooked in the cans from the explosion…

Jason: Hmmm, yummy. Our saved the world party!

Tom: Sure!

Jason: Should I teleport back for a can opener?

Tom: Might as well.

Jason: Yookes! Vips! CREELIN’ CREE! It’s another BEAAAAAATT! NOOOOOOO!

(The End)


-- Tue Apr 24, 2018 3:10 pm --

You know what, I've decided that my life will be complete when I can hear Townsend Coleman say "Flip floppedy doo! "

_________________
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 Post subject: Re: HISHE: Odyssey Style
PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2018 3:56 pm 
Caramel Crunch
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Nice job! ...Although, somehow this got a bit too zany... I'd like to see this style applied to "The Secret of the Writer's Ruse."

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 Post subject: Re: HISHE: Odyssey Style
PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2018 8:36 pm 
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Scientific Guy wrote:
Nice job! ...Although, somehow this got a bit too zany... I'd like to see this style applied to "The Secret of the Writer's Ruse."

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Am I obsessing?


Bwahahaha I'll give it a shot.

If 'obsessing' means still mad about that episode, then I'm obsessing too. I am going to give it my second listen ever and see what I can come up with.

And yeah, part 2 got a little zany. I needed a break from drawing, because I had been doing so for about seven hours straight, and I just needed to let off some steam. My assignment got done, though!

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 Post subject: Re: HISHE: Odyssey Style
PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2018 10:21 pm 
Caramel Crunch
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Kungfunaomi wrote:
Scientific Guy wrote:
_________________
Am I obsessing?


If 'obsessing' means still mad about that episode, then I'm obsessing too. I am going to give it my second listen ever and see what I can come up with.


No, I mean 'obsessing' as in :mad: "AaAUuGgHhH WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON HERE I CAN'T CRAZY WAIT UNTIL AUGUST 2ND THIS IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!" :mad:
"'Nuts': Macadamia, Pistachio, Pecan..."
I was a little let down by Writer's Ruse but I'm beginning to appreciate the story as it relates to Morrie. I've been listening to the "Rydell Saga" episodes over and over, which means I've heard that episode and "The Key Suspect" and "Parker for President" six times each.

Is THAT obsessing? :geek:


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 Post subject: Re: HISHE: Odyssey Style
PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2018 11:29 pm 
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Scientific Guy wrote:
No, I mean 'obsessing' as in :mad: "AaAUuGgHhH WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON HERE I CAN'T CRAZY WAIT UNTIL AUGUST 2ND THIS IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!" :mad:
"'Nuts': Macadamia, Pistachio, Pecan..."
I was a little let down by Writer's Ruse but I'm beginning to appreciate the story as it relates to Morrie. I've been listening to the "Rydell Saga" episodes over and over, which means I've heard that episode and "The Key Suspect" and "Parker for President" six times each.

Is THAT obsessing? :geek:


AGHAGHAHGHHHH I tried so hard to listen through the Secret of the Writer's Ruse again and I couldn't. It's too painful.

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 Post subject: Re: HISHE: Odyssey Style
PostPosted: Wed Apr 25, 2018 5:15 pm 
Caramel Crunch
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... Please? You gotta admit, at least Morrie did his homework well.


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 Post subject: Re: HISHE: Odyssey Style
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2018 2:21 am 
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Scientific Guy wrote:
... Please? You gotta admit, at least Morrie did his homework well.


True, dat.

-- Sat May 05, 2018 8:33 pm --

All right, welcome to two different takes on The Secret of the Writer's Ruse. My eight-year-old sister saw me doing this and wanted to try it, so here's her version:

Emily: Fortunately, I know the library’s board secretary, Mr. Whittaker. If anyone knows who donated that book, he would. Okay, Matthew, let’s divide and conquer. I’ll take this book to Mr. Whittaker, and you find out everything you can about Ann West. Especially the missing days. And Morrey-

Morrey: I’ll go back to my reading.

Emily: You don’t want to investigate with us?

Morrey: Nah, you guys are the experts. I’d just get in the way. But if there’s anything that I can do to help, just let me know.

Emily: Will do. We’ll meet back here in an hour, Matthew.

Emily (narrating): I practically flew to Whit’s End. Of course, I am not professionally trained at that, so I actually got stuck in a tree and hit my head on a rock. Maybe that is why I’m so annoying. I get that from people all the time. I just can’t help it.

(Beat)

Whit’s End: (Emily walks in)

Whit: Hello, Emily. What can I do for you?

Emily (Narrating): Whit talks as slow as a turtle walks. Of course, at the time, I didn’t know I was saying that out loud.

Whit: Emily! You are so annoying.

Emily: I know, Mr. Whittaker.

Whit: Get out of here, Emily.

Emily (Narrating): I guessed I wouldn’t be helped by Whit anytime soon. Back to the mystery…

(Beat)


And here's my version:

Emily: Fortunately, I know the library’s board secretary, Mr. Whittaker. If anyone knows who donated that book, he would. Okay, Matthew, let’s divide and conquer. I’ll take this book to Mr. Whittaker, and you find out everything you can about Ann West. Especially the missing days. And Morrey-

Morrey: I’ll go back to my reading.

Emily: You don’t want to investigate with us?

Morrey: Nah, you guys are the experts. I’d just get in the way. But if there’s anything that I can do to help, just let me know.

Emily: I just… I just did. I was trying to tell you to-

Morrey: I don’t want to help. But if there’s anything I can do, just let me know.

Emily: But you can-

Morrey: Just let me know. I will be happy to help.

Emily: Okay. You can help us by-

Morrey: No. I want to read. But if there’s anything I can do to help, just let me know.


-- Sat May 05, 2018 8:45 pm --

All right, now here's Alannah's ending for The Search for Whit!

The Search for Whit, Part One
(By Alannah)

{Eugene and Jason are on the plane to the Middle East}

Eugene: Jason, would you like to see what I found on Mr. Whittaker’s tape?

Jason: Oh, that’s right, you said you heard something.

Eugene: As I was fast-forwarding and re-winding through the last portion of his diary, I was suddenly struck by that strange phrase of your father’s. The one that sounded like another language.

Jason: Ok…

Eugene: It’s not another language, it’s English!

Jason: It didn’t sound like any English I’ve ever heard.

Eugene: Ah, but it will if you listen to it backwards. Here, put these headphones on. Now, here’s what it sounds like before.

{Tape plays, normal direction}

Jason: Ok, got it.

Eugene: And here’s how that last part sounds backwards.

{Tape plays}

Mr. Whittaker: Jason, remember to feed the pets and throw out the rotten hamburgers and spam in the fridge, and make sure we have enough sour cream and onion chips for when I get back.

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