Ameraka wrote:I liked it. Though it was rather stressful; I breathed a sigh of relief when it ended how it did.
Connie seemed rather out of character, but it made sense in the end. How much of it was from the dream?
BTW, I wish I had more Odyssey dreams. I had one, that I (vaguely) remember...something with Jason running around, doing something (wish I remembered more
Hahaha wow! Glad you liked it. Everything was from the dream, except the part where Whit watches John and Joel while Connie is at the hospital and the part where they get there and Eugene and Katrina are there. And of course all the talking is made-up, except where Whit says "I told you so". I'll never forget that. And I should mention that this was a TV episode, not a radio
-- Mon Apr 08, 2013 7:18 pm --
Pound Foolish wrote:Ashley, that was a fun read. Your attention to grammar refreshes the picky writer's soul, and the humor just jumps out at you and makes you chortle. And a crush between Connie and Jason's kids! Awww-awww. I must also congratulate you on your excellent use of beats and attributes.
A few critiques and questions though. Are you just putting your idea of the characters? Having fun with them? Or were you trying to be accurate to their actual personalities? Right from the beginning, the characters act differently than they would in real life. Whit wouldn't "splutter" at Connie's walking in with Jeff. Certainly not before he really knew what was going on. He exhibited far less self control than is normal for him in that scene. Especially when he asks, "When's the wedding?" like a gossipy highschool girl. He has no idea how long Jeff and Connie have been together or if they even have marriage in sight, and then he just comes out and asks that awkward question? And Connie wouldn't just answer if someone acted like that, she'd giggle all over herself and then be a bit mad.
So, are you just fooling around with the characters? Because if they're not meant to be their real-selves but instead your reinterpretation of them, which can be quite fun, you did excell-lently. But if not, you might want to polish things up a bit.
In any case, this is impressive work. Remarkably entertaining, and daringly dark.
I was just having fun with them. And I was just writing a script for what really happened in my dream, so they wouldn't have acted like that in real Odyssey. Yeah, I know I did Whit a little differently, but hey, it was his dream!
