The Soda Shop Message Boards

Connie, "Somebody slap me."
Eugene, "Are you asking for a volunteer?"

Where is that quote from Blitz?

Jay: OOh no you don't, stand still or I'll fire!
Buck: That's an ice cream scoop.
Jay: Yeah, and I know how to use it!

Emily: Jay you could've hurt someone!
Jay: Ya, like me!

Xavier: is the ice-cream that good?
Ed: I don't know but you can't hardly go wrong when's its free!
Xavier: Free! Did Mr Whittaker say you could give away free ice-cream?
Ed: No it was kinda my idea!

Jason Whittaker: I'm just admiring the new skylight we put in the roof.
Jack Allen: Jason, it's smoked glass. You can't really see anything.
Jason Whittaker: Ah, not true. You can see the glow of the moon, as its incandescent rays bathe the office with an eerie sumambulance.
Jack Allen: Have you been talking to Eugene again?

Jared DeWhite: What was that?
Cody Carper: A sheep.
Jared DeWhite: A sheep? Like, “Mary had a little sheep”?

My quote is from Ties that Bind.

What to you is the funniest AIO line ever? "Suddenly I feel real nice inside. Like after a big burp" perhaps? Or, "It made me want to hit my head and forget my life for the last two hours." Or maybe, "Eugene, if you were anymore like a computer, we'd have to scan for viruses." Or, "You cannot call me a fraud when I call you a fraud. What is this, kindergarten's recess?" Or... Well, there a so many. If you absolutely had to pick a favorite, and you do, what is it?

"So, if you don't not know, that means that you do know! And if you know that the answer isn't 'no', then you know there's no way you can know I broke the window!" —Rodney P. Rathbone, "Broken Window"

"If a rock had hit it, as this dweeb claims—"
"Hey! Objection, your honor! ...About the 'dweeb' thing."
"Well, we all object to you being a dweeb, too, but if the shoe fits...!"
—Rodney Rathbone and Alex Jefferson, "Broken Window"

...Actually, as a matter of fact, "Broken Window" is just a gold mine.

I have a weird sense of humor, so I think my all time favorite would have to be in Nova Rising (an otherwise lame episode) when the writers of B:TV are talking about new show ideas:

Writer #1: Yeah, food is funny. I mean, cottage cheese, hey hey, don't get me started.

Writer #2: You put any kind of yogurt in front of me, and, I'm on the floor!

Bernard: Right...

That is probably my #1, at least right now. Wooton had a lot of hilarious lines when Torry Martin wrote for him, Harlow Doyle is generally hysterical as well, and the Rathbones are the epitome of "wickedly funny", but I think the all time best character for laughs is none other than Bernard Walton.

I'm disappointed to see your poll polluted with very unfunny post-hiatus lines, PF. . The only one that I laughed at upon first listen was, unsurprisingly, the Bernard one from "Do Or Diet".

If you have a weird sense of humor you probably like Bernard.

Connie: Some one slap me.
Eugene: Are you asking for a volunteer?

"I just came for the donuts." --Random background character played by Kevin McCreary at the halfway house in Never For Nothing.

The Penny line about the Perilous Pen is totally hilarious. It also tells us that Connie must have told Penny all about Blackgaard and Novacom.

Arnold, you don't like the Mrs. Kramer line? I have very rarely laughed hard at anything Odyssey, but Mrs. Kramer's poem made me chuckle, and even the thought of it makes me smile still.

The Mrs. Kramer line is by far the funniest post-hiatus line of the poll, in my humble opinion, and I think it did make me laugh out loud the first time I heard it, so perhaps I should make it the exception. But, as I said, I have a very strange sense of humor. I'm more likely to laugh at something completely stupid and ridiculous and random (like the Nova Rising line) than an obvious attempt at a "clever" joke that completely restrains itself from delving into stupidity, ridiculousness, and randomness, as the majority of the ones in the poll are. I also love dry humor, but Bernard is really the only character on AIO for that.

"For Better Or For Worse, Parts 1 and 2" aren't as strong as they could have been, but they gave us some real gems:

"What in the world do you need doves for?! We already know the Ark is on dry land!" —Bernard

"At my wedding, we just threw rice!"
"Symbolizing an abundance of teriyaki chicken!" —Tom and Bernard

"A sixteen-piece orchestra?"
"That's a lot of pieces—do they even make that many instruments?" —Tom and Bernard

"Whose crazy idea was it to have a wedding for them, anyway?! They're already married, for crying out loud!"
"I won't say, but her name starts with a 'C' and sounds a little like 'Klonnie'." —Connie and Bernard

TigerShadow wrote:"What in the world do you need doves for?! We already know the Ark is on dry land!" —Bernard

"At my wedding, we just threw rice!"
"Symbolizing an abundance of teriyaki chicken!" —Tom and Bernard

"A sixteen-piece orchestra?"
"That's a lot of pieces—do they even make that many instruments?" —Tom and Bernard

"Whose crazy idea was it to have a wedding for them, anyway?! They're already married, for crying out loud!"
"I won't say, but her name starts with a 'C' and sounds a little like 'Klonnie'." —Connie and Bernard

I love these quotes Tiger Shadow!

TigerShadow wrote:"So, if you don't not know, that means that you do know! And if you know that the answer isn't 'no', then you know there's no way you can know I broke the window!" —Rodney P. Rathbone, "Broken Window"

This is one of my favorites!^

Here is of my favorites: " ...how can you have the nerve to actally be here?! That's over-reacting." --Jay Smouse (Ties that Bind pt 4)

TigerShadow wrote:"So, if you don't not know, that means that you do know! And if you know that the answer isn't 'no', then you know there's no way you can know I broke the window!" —Rodney P. Rathbone, "Broken Window"

This is probably my most favorite line I have heard from any episode.

TigerShadow wrote:...Actually, as a matter of fact, "Broken Window" is just a gold mine.

Broken Window is definitely one of my favorite episodes. It is one of the only episodes still able to make me laugh every time I listen to it.

I agree. It always amuses me as well.

My favourite line ever is "A Two hour conversation about socks can say I love you just as much as well saying I love you." - Wooton in one of the Plan B episodes comforting Connie. It is funny, beautiful, heart warming, and deep all at once.

Eugene has, in my opinion, all the best lines, whether heartfelt and serious or sarcastically comedic. And to be honest, I can't remember what my fav line from him was, so I just picked the one about Connie being able to set anything on fire. Though I don't recall that episode... *looks befuzzled*

TigerShadow wrote: "A sixteen-piece orchestra?"
"That's a lot of pieces—do they even make that many instruments?" —Tom and Bernard

And then Tom starts naming all the instruments he knows.

"Let's see, now. What am I going need? A tuba, drum, fiddle, electric banjo... Even - even a bigger banjo..."

Bernardisms in general amuse me.

"It's seven-thirty in the morning!"
"Oh, but I find early morning intellectual stimulation to be quite helpful."
"Oh yeah? It's usually a bowl of Choco-chums for me."

-Bernard and Eugene, Poor Loser

"Marvin, we've been practicing for five hours today. My string fingers have blisters on top of calluses, and we don't seem to be getting any better. I don't care about the "invisible groove of the soul"; I would be satisfied with anything remotely resembling music!"
-Trent DeWhite, "The Coolest Dog"