Joke Central

[Suzy Lou Foolish]

Want some more blonde ones? Here's a rather common one--


Two blondes lock their keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.

Finally the first blonde says "Ugh, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".

[Wretched Sinner]

Want some more blonde ones? Here's a rather common one--


Two blondes lock their keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.

Finally the first blonde says "Ugh, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".

ha ha. not as funny as the second though

[Suzy Lou Foolish]

Haha! That one was pretty good!
Okay, so this is a real story about a girl I know. She is a beautiful girl, very dark skinned with jet black hair...but she's always saying kind of, well, dumb things. One day after she said something really ridiculous, my mom jokingly told her, "You should be a blonde." The girl smiled brightly and twirled some of her dark hair around her fingers then said seriously, "Really? You think I would look good with blonde hair?"

[Wretched Sinner]

Haha! That one was pretty good!
Okay, so this is a real story about a girl I know. She is a beautiful girl, very dark skinned with jet black hair...but she's always saying kind of, well, dumb things. One day after she said something really ridiculous, my mom jokingly told her, "You should be a blonde." The girl smiled brightly and twirled some of her dark hair around her fingers then said seriously, "Really? You think I would look good with blonde hair?"

ha ha ha. These jokes are just so funny

[Doll]

That is a good one Suzy! I don't like blonde jokes, though, since I am one. I don't like the insinuation that I am dumb. (not saying anyone on this board did anything like that!)

[Wretched Sinner]

That is a good one Suzy! I don't like blonde jokes, though, since I am one. I don't like the insinuation that I am dumb. (not saying anyone on this board did anything like that!)

yes. I don't believe blondes are dumb. That's why in blonde jokes I replace the blonde with someone else

[Suzy Lou Foolish]

Thank you, Godsgirl! I do hope you didn't find these offensive. Perhaps I should post other jokes...

[Pound Foolish]

Once, a blonde with glasses was in a mall, and she saw a really cute guy. "Oh my gosh! Look, Julie, that guy's so cute!"
Julie looked. "That's a mannequin."
the blonde said "He can't be. That's the name of the guy I asked to the dance, too."
I just made that up, so it's not all that funny, just wanted to keep the blonde-joke theme going. In my defense, I'm blonde.

[Doll]

Really, Pound Foolish, I always imagined you with dark hair. Please don't tell me you have it cut like Justin Beiber's old haircut.

Okay,

Things You Never Hear in Church

Hey! It's MY turn to sit on the front pew!

I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went over time by 25 minutes.

Personally, I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.

I've decided to give our church the $500.00 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.

I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.

Forget the denominational minimum salary: let's pay our pastor so she/he can live like we do.

I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!

Since we're all here, let's start the worship service early!

Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.




Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered.
They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said: "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said: "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third said: "You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible.
Now she can't see very well.
So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible.
It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him.
Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks.

"Milton," she said, "the house you built is so huge.
I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house.

"Gerald," she said, "I am too old to travel.
I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes.
And that driver is so rude! He's a pain!"

"But Donald," she said, "the little chicken you sent was delicious!"

[George the Penguin]

That's a good one. I've heard the Jewish version to it! (The same just with a little schmaltz! )

Here is one that always cracks me up! One reason I love other languages so much.

The Hebrew Lesson
"Hello Cyril," says Fred, "I hear you know Hebrew?"
"Yes I do," replies Cyril.
"I was wondering what the Hebrew for ‘he' is?" says Fred.
"Hu," says Cyril.
"No one in particular," says Fred, "I just wanted to know what is he?"
"Hee is she," says Cyril.
"Who?" says Fred.
"No, Hu is he," says Cyril.
"I thought you said he is she?" says Fred.
"Yes, that’s correct," says Cyril.
"What is correct?" says Fred.
"Hee is she," says Cyril.
"I have no idea what you said. Who is she?" says Fred.
"No, Hu is he," says Cyril.
"I don’t want to know who he is, now I want to know what she is in Hebrew?" says Fred.
"Hee," says Cyril.
"He who?" says Fred.
Yes that’s correct, but Hee is she," says Cyril.
"Who is she?" says Fred.
"No, Hu is he," says Cyril.
"Why do you keep asking me who is he?" says Fred.
"I thought you were asking me what he is in Hebrew?" says Cyril.
"Me?" says Fred.
"That’s Hu," says Cyril.
"Who is me?" says Fred.
"No, Hu is he, Mee is who," says Cyril.
"I don't want to know who you are, I want to know who is he?" says Fred.
"That’s correct," says Cyril.
"But I’ve no idea what I‘m saying," says Fred.
"But you say it so well," says Cyril.
"Who me?" says Fred.
"Why are you asking me who he is?" says Cyril.
"No, I’m asking you what is he?" says Fred.
"Hee is she," says Cyril.
"Who is she?" says Fred.
"No, Hu is he," says Cyril.
"I’m very lost. Me is who? Who is he? He is she?" says Fred.
"Very good, you said that very well," says Cyril.
"What did I say?" says Fred.
"Mee is who, Hu is he and Hee is she," says Cyril.
"Well if you must know, you’re crazy. I don't know who he is and if
she is a he, I’m sure I don't want to know her," says Fred.

[Andromeda]

thats a good one legolas. haven't heard that on before.

[ArnoldtheRubberDucky]

Godsgirl, those are hilarious! Suzy, nice blonde jokes. PF, keep working at the joke-writing. You're pretty good at it. George, that joke was soooooooooooooo long, but I actually read the whole thing. It was pretty funny! I have a stupid blonde joke that I just made up.

A salesman walked up to a blonde and immediately launched into a sales pitch.
"Hello, my name is Robert Smith, and I'm from The U Knead Bread Association. We sell delicious bakery items, and we're currently running a program that gives chocolate chip cookies to shoppers for free. Would you like free cookies?"
"Huh?" the blonde answered. "No, I don't want three cookies. I'm trying to save money."

Do you get it? I know it's not that good, but I'm new to the jokewriting biz.

[Wretched Sinner]

Godsgirl, those are hilarious! Suzy, nice blonde jokes. PF, keep working at the joke-writing. You're pretty good at it. George, that joke was soooooooooooooo long, but I actually read the whole thing. It was pretty funny! I have a stupid blonde joke that I just made up.

A salesman walked up to a blonde and immediately launched into a sales pitch.
"Hello, my name is Robert Smith, and I'm from The U Knead Bread Association. We sell delicious bakery items, and we're currently running a program that gives chocolate chip cookies to shoppers for free. Would you like free cookies?"
"Huh?" the blonde answered. "No, I don't want three cookies. I'm trying to save money."

Do you get it? I know it's not that good, but I'm new to the jokewriting biz.

That is pretty good. A blonde wants to stay at home while her mom goes and gets groceries. the mom tells her that she can't stay home unless someone else stays with her. Then the little blonde girl says, "but someone is staying with me. there is a masked man in your room going through your jewlery box. he could stay with me.

Do you think that one is funny. I made it up myself

[ArnoldtheRubberDucky]

That's pretty great, Wooton! Not as funny as mine, of course. :LOL: Anyone else have made-up blonde jokes to share?

[Mr. Smiley]

Haha, that was great Wooton! I actually laughed! As for CT's, well... keep working at it and you'll get there. =P jk! It was good, too!

[Wretched Sinner]

Haha, that was great Wooton! I actually laughed! As for CT's, well... keep working at it and you'll get there. =P jk! It was good, too!

Thanks. I'm glad you liked my joke

[Suzy Lou Foolish]

Those are both good pretty good, Mr. Thinker and Wooton. Does anyone know what the least racist animal is?

[ArnoldtheRubberDucky]

Hmm... a human?

[Wretched Sinner]

Those are both good pretty good, Mr. Thinker and Wooton. Does anyone know what the least racist animal is?

a dalmatian?

[Suzy Lou Foolish]

Nope, its the pandas...'cause they're black, white and Asian! I'm so cheesy!